How to Find Your Voice: 4 Essentials to Speaking Your Truth

CaleyPowerPointTemplateOne of the things I’m most loving ’bout my year long blogging goal is how it’s helping me to find my voice. 

It’s been an awesome challenge to figure out how to say what I want to say in 500(ish) words.  And, how to speak my truth in a way that feels good to me without worrying about what other people think. 

In other words, how to speak my truth with grace.  

This is what I call my voice.  

It’s me, my thoughts, my words, my beliefs shared with grace and compassion + hopefully a little humor.  

You don’t have to love it, you don’t even have to agree with it, that’s not what MY voice about.  MY voice is about me, clearly sharing myself in a way that I feel good about.   So that I feel confident no matter the outcome.  

The same applies to you + your voice.  

The more you speak your truth, the more awesome-fitting jobs, relationships, support systems + partners in crime you’ll draw into your life.  And the more confident, peaceful + sure you’ll feel no matter the situation.  

Finding your voice = befriending yourself. 

Here’s 4 essentials to finding your voice + speaking your truth:

1.  Practice.

To find your voice you’ve got to practice using it.   Like finding the perfect jeans you’ve got to try out different stances, levels of compassion, viewpoints and vocab in order to find what fits best.  

This can’t be done in your head.   You’ve got to get your body involved for it to become comfortable + your new normal.  Talk it out with friends, mentors or any support system- even the mirror can help.  Write it out in journals, blogs, letters, poems, songs- you name it.  Anything that helps you create an actual friendship (not a fantasy of a friendship) with you, your truth and your voice. 

2.  Pay attention to how you FEEL.

The thing about your voice + your truth is that it’ll feel good to you.   You’ll feel peaceful, confident,  sure no matter the outcome.   If you feel tense, pissed, constricted, or worried about what other people think then it’s not your voice (yet).  

So as you practice speaking your truth take time to pay attention to how it makes you feel.  Are you happy with what it brings your way?  Do you want more of what it creates in your life?  This’ll tell you when you’re on the right track or missing the mark. 

3.  Embrace the “I can’t” statements.

We all have internal glass ceilings.   They’re usually complete blind spots to us.  

They’re things we believe we can’t do, or can’t say, or can’t want and remain loved.  If speaking your truth, or thinking about speaking your truth, brings up “I can’t” statements then we’ve hit on something important.  These blocks, beliefs + glass ceilings are what’s actually in your way.  

4.  Ask for help releasing the blocks.

When we’re missing something we want in our life (like more money, relationships, happiness, passion) it tells us that we’re not yet able to possess that thing.  

If we knew how to have it,  how to do it,  how to feel it,  it’d already be part of our life.  

So instead of asking for help “getting what we want” ask for help releasing the blocks to allowing it into our lives.  

When it comes to your voice that means asking for help releasing the “I can’t” statements that hold you back.  

It doesn’t matter how connected you are to your truth, if you have a belief that says, “I can’t say that” you’ll never be able to speak your truth.    Make sense?


4 Signs You’re Avoiding Your Intuition (+ how to change that)

CaleyPowerPointTemplateDo you listen to your intuition?

Personally, I love my mine.   Listen to it all the time.

Every time I’ve followed this faithful friend- answered the call, taken the pilgrimage it’s calling me towards- amazing things have happened in my life.  My faith has grown.   And I become more and more sure that the universe really is here to support me.

So why the heck have I been ignoring my intuition for literally months?

At first, I didn’t even realize I was.  


I felt like I was just making different choices.  You know, choosing an apple instead of an orange.   Choosing this path instead of that one. 

Now I realize what I was really doing is choosing desperately clinging to the idea of certainty.   

‘Cause I’m scared.  

‘Cause what my intuition is asking me to do feels like a lot of work.

‘Cause, like a late night infomercial, a “sure thing” sounded so seductive + so… easy.

Turns out:  desperately clinging to certainty has actually led me to the most uncertain place of my life.

The radio silence I’ve had going with myself is totally disorienting.   And totally lonely.

My faith is dwindling, suffocating- barely hanging on…   And I’m even having a hard time mustering up some self-compassion ’cause I feel like I did this to myself.   Like I choose not to listen to me and now I’m paying the price.

I don’t like it.   Not even a little.  

And I so DON’T believe it has to be this way!  

One of my favorite lines from “Eat, Pray, Love” goes something like this, “to fall out of balance for love sometimes is part of living a balanced life.”   Well, for me, this same sentiment applies to listening to my intuition.   Sometimes choosing not to listen to our intuition is how we learn to recognize + trust this greater part of ourselves.

So today I’m making lemonade and turning this personal silent treatment into an opportunity for both you + me.  I mean it’s a perfect way for to learn about the ways we listen + the ways we avoid our intuition.   So we can both figure out how to get back on board with our intuition and with our faith.

CaleyPowerPointTemplateHere’s 4 signs you’re avoiding your intuition + how to get it back online.

1. A
voiding quiet time.

Intuition speaks to us in the quiet moments of our day.   If your mind is racing, the TV is always on, or your phone is glued to your fingers odds are you’re avoiding what’s going on inside of you.   Which includes your intuition.


Instead: Make quiet time a priority.  It doesn’t have to be long periods of time; it just has to be intentional.  Push pause on Candy Crush + take a few moments to listen to your gut.

2. You’re queen of the “yeah but.”

If a common response for you is “yeah but” you’re looking for the how things DON’T fit.  Which means, you’re in defense mode. Like a goalie, you’re making sure nothing gets past you (or into you).  Which includes your intuition.

Instead: Look for how things DO fit. This helps you move from defense, blocking everything that comes your way and into openness, accepting what comes your way.

3. Seeking (desperately) approval from other people.

This is like asking for permission from others.  So you’re doing what they told you to instead of what your heart is calling you to do.  It also means that we can easily + unintentionally blame them things don’t go our way.


Instead: Seek internal approval. It may be scary. It may be combined with nerves.   AND ask yourself constantly, “is it what I’M drawn to?”

4. Scrambling like hell to get to the certain path.

Fighting to stay in your comfort zone- the seemingly sure thing- means you’re not willing to risk uncertainty or vulnerability.  Which means you can’t grow or change.  And there’s little room for faith + trust.


Instead: lean into the uncertainty and vulnerability. Listen to these fearful parts of you and take care of them like you would a fearful child.  They hold the keys to your blocks.

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem (In no time at all)

CaleyPowerPointTemplateI can’t believe I’m quoting Yoda to you.  

My hubby + I have a long running joke about my “hatred” of fantasy.  Even though I can’t get enough Harry Potter, Twilight, Smallville + all things Superman. 

And, apparently… Yoda. 

 I mean dude’s got a point. 

He’s spot-on with his famous quote:  “Do or do not.  There is no try.”  

It totally 100% applies to self-grown, living with passion + your self-esteem.  

So today we’re digging into the truth about trying so you can rebuild trust with yourself + boost yourself self-esteem.   In no time at all.

The truth about Trying
Think about it this way:  you’re either in the process of doing something  OR  you’re thinking about doing something.  

Two VERY different things. 

For example:   let’s say you fall off a dock into a lake.  You wanna get back onto the dock + outta that water, pronto.  

When you’re TRYING to get back on the dock you’re frazzled, panicked, flailing about and most likely attempting the same get-outta-the-water-move over and over again with no luck.   

When you’re IN THE PROCESS OF getting back on dry land you’re cool, calm, collected.  You’re paying attention to what works + what doesn’t and taking NEW actions based on the info coming your way.  

See the difference?  One is trying.  One is doing.  

All the flailing in the world isn’t gonna get you outta that water  OR  help you reach your goals. 

Listen to Yoda + boost yo’ self-esteem. 

This difference matters big time, my friends.  It’s a main ingredient for your self-esteem, self-respect, self-worth and over all confidence.   Not to mention your ability to reach goals, live passionately and trust yo’self.  

There’s nothing wrong with thinking about doing something.  

At all.  

Not even a little bit.  

AND, when you call thinking doing,  you feel frustrated, stuck, not good enough and full of self-judgement. ‘Cause you’re SAYING you’re doing something when really, you’re not.  

There’s a disconnect.   And it makes you not only feel bad about yourself,  but also doubt that you can ever reach your goals.  No bueno! 

Instead choose words that describe what stage you are actually in.   For example:

“I’m thinking about doing….”
“I’d like to learn more about _____ some day.”
“That’s in my 5 year plan but right now I’m focusing on ______ .”
“I’m not ready to tackle this yet.”
“I’d like _____ but right now, I’m not willing to put in the effort it’d take.”

All of these are honest, accurate and take into account both your want AND your action.  

So you know where you stand.  Even if it’s on the sideline.

And Vise Versa 

When you mix up trying with being in the process of doing something you’ve taken your eye off the ball.  

You’re now focusing on what’s lacking + your missteps instead of what you’re learning from each step and how far you’ve come.

Again, mislabeling in this way leaves you feeling bad about yourself.   For no reason.  Annoying! 

Choose words that describe what you are doing, what you are learning, and where you are in the process.  


“I’m in the process of______”
“I’m finding a way to ______”
“I’ve learned ______ so far.”
“I’ve accomplished ______ so far.”
“I’m working through my blocks.”
“I’m journaling like crazy.”

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing.   You don’t have to be perfect to feel good about yourself.   Self-esteem doesn’t come from the achievements it comes from the journey.  So, acknowledge where you are, what you are doing and start building a trusting relationship with yo’self.  It’s the quickest way to actually feeling better.  Now. 

The Art of Goal Setting: How to Set Goals You Actually Want to Meet

CaleyPowerPointTemplate-3I’m feeling inspired these days!
I had one of those awesome weeks where it felt like there were signs + support everywhere.   I love it when those happen, don’t you?

The two highlights of my week:  1. reading The Alchemist for the first (and second and third) time.   And, 2. re-watching Julie & Julia. 

Both felt like they were speaking directly to me.  And, opened my eyes to some things I’ve done well at times and not so well at others.  

Like goals.   Setting and meeting goals.  

Turns out, me and Julie (from Julie & Julia) are kindred spirits.  We’ve both set a year long goal in hopes of transforming ourselves + our lives.

In case you don’t know the movie, Julie committed to cooking + blogging about 524 recipes in one year.   I’m in the process of writing one blog post per week for a year.   This got me thinking about the process of setting- and meeting- goals.    And how really, it’s an art form. 

Contrary to popular belief goals are not all about willpower, perseverance, or self-worth.  Goal setting a delicate, loving, vulnerable process that yes, may require you to be a bull in a china shop from time to time, and also requires faith, trust and letting yourself be seen.

It’s not one-size-fits-all.   And, for your goals to truly be successful, they can’t be fear based, ego-driven, or misaligned with your calling.  

When a goal is right for you it challenges + pushes you.   It shows you your blocks.   It helps you grow.   And, it feels so darn good to take each step towards fulfilling it.   So today we’re diving into the art of goal setting.   Personally, I can’t wait! 

  4 key steps to setting goals you actually want to meet. 

1. Focus on how you want to feel vs. what you want to get.

The truth, my friends, is that you can’t actually control what you get in life.   

Yes, you can put your best effort out there + work yo’ booty off.   But, when it comes down to it, you can’t control what actually comes your way.  So the first and most important step to setting goals you want to meet, is to line ‘em up with what you CAN influence:  how you want to feel.    

2.  Create something vs. get something.

Goals are ultimately about feeling connected.  

A new job or position, a different body weight + confidence, new relationships, more customers or clients, heck- even more money all make us feel connected to our lives + who we really are.    So when we set goals to get something instead of create something we end up getting what we don’t want:  separation.   

Make your goals be about what you want to create in your life, and in yourself.   And the rest will follow.  

3.  Duration is key! Make it out of your comfort zone and yet totally doable.

Reachable goals push you out of your comfort zone AND feel doable.  What feels doable is totally individual + changes over time.  

For example, when I first started blogging back in ’09, my goal was to post every week for 3 moths.  Never having posted anything before (not even having a myspace page) 3 months was a big push for me.   It was out of my comfort zone and didn’t feel like I was saying I’d post “to infinity and beyond.” 

This time around I’ve set a year as my goal ’cause I’ve posted for 3-4 month stretches several times over the past few years.   So now that’s my comfort zone.   A year pushes me outta that comfort zone and yet is totally attainable.  No infinity feelings there.  

Especially when you’re taking on a new pattern or behavior (like, say, working out) an endpoint is totally necessary.  If you infinity-and-beyond yo’self, you’ll feel defeated before you ever get that ball rolling.    

4.  Keep track + celebrate the heck out of each step.

Make a countdown, tracker, milestone calendar- whatever feels good to you.  And whoop it up for each step + each success- no matter how small!

Personally, I have a countdown on my fridge for my posts.   (This is my 18th week posting! Only 34 to go.)  

The countdown helps me remember how far I’ve come.  Is major motivation on the rough weeks (like last week).  Gives me something to look forward to- seeing those numbers change, baby!   AND gives me all sorts of cool insights about where + when blocks show up for me.   So I know exactly what I need to work through for each step.   Which makes reaching the goal so much easier!

Friends, if you’re not reaching goals you set, there’s a reason.   AND the reason isn’t that you suck.  :)    Turn this miss into an opportunity to learn + grow.   And trust, or learn to trust, that the Universe will always have your back.


How to Sidestep Resistance


This week I’m in the throws of a major battle.  

See, I had a blog post all planned for this week.  It’s outlined.  It’s something I’m passionate about.  And it’s clear as day… IN MY HEAD.  And, I just can’t. get. it. out.

Trying to move this post from my head to the page feels like trying to move a mountain.  So frustrating!  

This, my friends, is the shared frenemy: resistance. 

Resistance shows up in all of us.  At the most annoying times.  Without it achievements don’t feel as sweet.  And with it, our purpose is in jeopardy. Learning to handle + sidestep resistance is key in becoming who you’re meant to be.  

“The more important an activity is to a soul’s evolution the more resistance you will feel.” ~Steven Pressfield 

The first step to taking on resistance is re-framing it.

Resistance doesn’t happen when you’re doing something wrong, it happens ‘CAUSE you’re doing something right.  When you keep this perspective in mind it becomes much easier to battle resistance and win.

Here’s 3 action steps so you can sidestep resistance:

1.  Call it out.

Resistance is a big bully.   It uses intimidation to see if you’ll give up your lunch money self-worth.   It’s goal + only fuel source is you feeling bad about yourself.   Once you’ve gone down the “I’m not good enough” path and stop what you’re doing, resistance has won.  

Instead, call resistance out.   Name it.   Acknowledge it.   

Like I’m doing in this post.   I’m talking about it.   I’m letting you + me know what’s going on.   I’m facing it head on. 

Calling resistance out + putting words to what’s happening is like turning on a light.  You’re no longer in the dark and you can (finally) see what you’re doing.  Use that light to let resistance know you’re totally on to it.  And today, you’re not backing down.

2.  Do something.  Anything.  Just keep moving. 

“Put your ass where your heart wants to be.” -Steven Pressfied  

When resistance is really bad it’s crucial to keep moving.  Even if just a little bit.  

At this point it’s not about producing greatness or the final product, it’s about doing your work + overcoming resistance.  ‘Cause giving into resistance, by stopping, only fuels it.  Kinda like feeding a stray cat, it’ll keep coming back for more and more and more….  

Taking a step- any step- puts you back in the drivers seat.   And strengthens your I-know-how-to-deal-with-resistance muscle. 

Like this post.  It isn’t the one I had in my head.  That I’d been planning for weeks.  And yet, it IS a post.   It is movement towards my goal + my purpose.   It is me overcoming resistance.   

3.  Celebrate the step!  (Ditch the “yeah but.”) 

If you spend time + energy beating yourself up for taking a different step than originally planned you’re still fueling resistance.  

All you’re “yeah buts” focusing on what you didn’t do only  make you feel so bad about the step you did take.  So, of course you won’t want to take any steps next time resistance hits.  (And there will be a next time.)  

Resistance popping up isn’t personal.  It came calling ’cause you were following your calling.  So continue to strengthen your I-know-how-to-deal-with-resistance muscle by celebrating the step you did take + let the rest go.  

Who cares that this wasn’t the post I had scheduled for today?   I don’t.   And I doubt you do.  

All that matters is that I did my work.   Today, I overcame resistance!  

And hopefully helped you better understand resistance in the process. 

Oh, and here’s a 4th bonus step for you:

Read, reread, highlight, memorize and savor  The War of Art by Steven Pressfield .   He’s seriously THE MAN when it comes to resistance and this book will change your life. 


5 Super Simple Tips for Beating the Winter Blues

Here in Seattle fall is in the air.   In my opinion it’s wonderful!

I’m kinda perfect for Seattle life.  

I look forward to each season– even winter.  Call me crazy but I love the short days + rain of winter just as much as the long days + sun of summer.   Now, there’s definitely a few tricks to loving life when it gets dark at 4:00pm.  

As the weather changes you’ve got to change your routine to match.    

Like everything else in life you have a choice:  you can sulk, feel crummy and blame it on the weather.  Or, you can do something about it.   I say, let’s do something about it! 

5 super simple tips for beating the winter blues:

1.  Lighting makes everything better. 

One of the biggest keys to having a cozy winter is lighting.  

No one wants to spend all day and then all night under the blaring overhead lighting of our offices + homes.  It can start to feel a bit like we’re under interrogation, no?  Setting the mood with some ambiance lighting changes the feeling of whatever you’re doing and creates feelings of coziness + nurture instead of interrogation.  

Use lamps, candles, low watt light bulbs, Christmas lights, Himalayan salt lamps and plug-in dimmers to create a perfectly lit, super cozy space you’ll actually want to hang in.  

2.  Treat staying in as an event, too. 

A little intention + purpose turns any evening into a night filled with passion.  It’s part of why summer activities feel good.  You decide what sounds good and align your actions.  Well, same goes staying in!  

Invite friends over for a movie night, board games, cards, wine tastings, cook-off’s, football games, dance parties, Wii Olympics, make-your-own-pizza-night or a cookie bake-off.  Or, enjoy a relaxing evening or rainy afternoon on your own with at home spa treatments, good books, tear jerker movies, yummy treats, or TV marathons.  

Really the options are endless!  

With just a little thought, purpose + being in the present moment anything, literally anything, can feel like a special event.  

3.  Explore the great INdoors.

One of the great things about summer is that there’s so much to do.  Well, winter has its own set of adventures.  

They tend to be childhood memories, ’cause our parents knew we needed to get out of the house, and they still totally work today.  Indoor activities like the driving range, batting cages, bowling, skating (roller or ice), rock climbing, dancing, cooking classes, spa days, live music, pool halls, arcades, book stores, coffee shops, wine bars are great ways to get out of the house, shake the cobwebs off + feel alive.  No matter what the weather’s doing outside. 

4.  Never underestimate the power of a warm drink.

When the weather’s cold there’s nothing quite like a warm drink to up the cozy factor.   Holding, sipping, steam gazing a hot cup of something yummy is kinda like sitting and watching the waves roll in.  

No matter what you’re doing this winter, adding a hot cuppa tea, water with lemon, hot chocolate, latte, cider or mulled wine to your routine will take whatever you’re doing from have-to-do to super-cozy.    

5.  Decorate. 

OK, I admit it, this one I’m not so reliable with.  And, I notice a major difference in how we feel during the winter months when I actually take the time to decorate.  Simple decorations like pumpkins + gourds, fall leaves, yummy seasonal candles or air fresheners make everything you do at home cozier.  

Winter is a time for lying low and hibernation and nothing makes your home feel more comfy-please-hibernate-here-like than some extra (seasonal) decorations. 

I’m telling you, if you combine all of these 5 beat the winter blues tips you’ll find yourself hoping for rain + looking for reasons to stay home. 


Maybe Self-Care Isn’t What You Need?

_You were about to drink this cappuccinoOne of my favorite things about my job is the super cool people it attracts into my life.  I spend my days hangin’ with massage therapists, energy workers, acupuncturists, coaches + therapists.  It’s awesome!  

And, I totally benefit from their wisdom all the time. 

It’s actually part of how I keep growing + learning and upping my personal game.  

Like last week.  I had an amazing session with a dear colleague who got me thinking about the difference between self-care and nurture.  And my own self-care vs. nurture routine(s).

Turns out I’m a pro at one, and whatever comes before novice at the other.

I like to consider myself a bit of a self-care pro.  

Sure, it’s part of my work.  I also practice what I preach.  

I mediate,  I  get massages + energy work,  I walk by the water whenever I can,  I know about my food allergies and follow ‘em,  I learn (often),  I grow (often),  I take long baths,  lose myself in my coffee every single morning,  I keep a gratitude journal…. I mean seriously, the list could go on and on.

So when my friend asked what I do to nurture myself, I was totally surprised by my loooong pause + “I’m not sure” response.

What gives?  

My first thought was, “But self-care IS nurture, no?”   Turns out, not so much. 

They seem the same.  They’re both about taking care of you.  But, when you pull back the layers you see how different they really are.

In a nutshell: all nurture is self-care, but not all self-care is nurture.  Mind blowing!

So I started a nurture journal to help me (+ you) understand and up my (+ your) nurture routine.  
And here’s what I’ve got so far:

Self-care is the action.  
It’s something outside ourselves.  
That we do cause we feel like we’re loosing it for ourselves.  

Nurture on the other hand is a feeling.  
It’s something inside us.  
That we need to feel good survive.

Self-care, especially if you lean towards the over giving + over functioning side of things, can turn into just that:  more giving.  
More checking things off the list.  More things you “should” do.

Nurture is about being in the present moment.  It’s when you let in and fully experience self-care.  It’s that warm belly, fueled from the inside, peaceful feeling.  Like chicken soup when you’re sick.  

In other words, nurture is about having rather than doing.

Turns out, you can totally turn (almost) anything into a nurturing experience.   Here’s how:

1.  Set your intention.  Be crystal clear about what you want to get from each thing you do.  When you want nurture acknowledge that.

2.  Be present.  For EACH step.  This reminds me of Ally McBeal drinking coffee. (See below)  One of my all time fave clips!  Slow down.  Take your time.  Be present + savor each and every step.

3.  Allow.  Allowing means letting the good feelings in.  Not making to-do lists in your head.  Not thinking about how much your BFF, hubby or kids would love this.  Not blocking, or skipping over, the joy that’s coming from this experience.  Instead, allow the love + nurture to wash over you and enjoy every single sip moment. 

Don’t skip the foreplay in your life, hon!   It’s the best part.  With it, even coffee can be a nurturing soul-fueling experience.  Enjoy! :)


What is Life Coaching, Anyway?

Screen shot 2014-09-02 at 9.43.07 AM
Since making the switch from traditional therapy to Life Purpose Coaching, I get this question all the time: “So, what exactly IS life coaching anyway?” 

In a nutshell: coaching is all about discovering the intentional and unintentional ways we stop ourselves from living big.  

Like setting goals we don’t really want to reach. (Hence the awesome fitspiration image from my peeps at The Body Department.) 

See, we take classes to understand and learn things like math, science, reading + business.  But we don’t get classes on making our life work (maybe someday?).

That’s where coaching comes in.     It’s like a class on how to do life. 

So here’s my best answers to the question: “So, what is Life Coaching anyway?”

1.  It’s a place to learn. 

Coaching is all about learning.  

Learning about you, your patterns, your strengths + your blocks. 

I often joke that I’m a personal trainer for your brain. ‘Cause that’s what learning is:  a workout for the ol’ noggin.  

Just like a physical workout means you can DO more, working your brain out means you can SEE more.  
With coaching you learn to see yourself + your patterns from different angles.  
And to see opportunities + choices where you couldn’t before.  

It’s a way to learn how to make your life work for you.  

2.  It’s a support system.

Let’s be real: loneliness sucks.  And taking on life changing projects all on your own is the worst kind of loneliness.  Working with a coach is like bringing on a partner to help you every step of the way.    

Someone who:

  • totally supports you. (Even when you can’t.) 
  • wants you to succeed AND can see you doing it(Even when you can’t.) 
  • is able to see the bigger picture. (Even when you can’t.) 
  • focuses on your strengths.  (Even when you can’t.)
  • lovingly holds you accountable (even when you can’t) + helps you learn to tackle resistance. 
  • and, is so curious about you, they could spend the whole hour just asking questions about you with ZERO judgment. (Especially when you can’t.)

Basically, a coach is someone who’s got your back.  Fully.  (Even when you can’t.) 

3.  It’s YOU time. 

It’s time you set aside to intentionally focus on you.  Without which, very little nothing changes. 

4.  It’s strength focused. 

You’ve got it go going on.  

Maybe not in every part of your life, but in some areas you’re totally rocking it.   Coaching builds on that.  

What’s already working for your.   What you’re already knocking-outta-the-park. 

It helps you reframe + understand these snippets of success so you can purposefully create the same success over ‘n’ over.
(Instead of feeling like it’s a fluke.)

3.  It’s about getting to the next level.

Life Coaching is a support system with one goal in mind: improving the quality of your life. 

It’s about reaching goals.  Moving forward.  Upping your game.  

In my words, it’s about going from good to ah-mazing.  

Sure, there’s usually some healing + letting go along the way.  But what makes coaching so effective is it’s focus on growing + learning and what you DO want in your live. 

When you understand exactly HOW you take the ball and run-  you learn how to (better) do life + totally up your game.   




How to Up Your Affirmation Game (+ My Rookie Mistakes)

CaleyPowerPointTemplate-3When I first learned about affirmations I dove in head first.  The idea that I could change my words and change my entire life had me at hello!

I diligently made post-it notes with Louise L. Hay’s words and stuck ‘em everywhere.  All over my wallet, mirrors, fridge, notebooks home + car, you name it. 

Then I’d read ‘em and nervously look around expecting some sorta genie, or maybe Happy Potter, to instantly pop into the room and “grant my wish.”

After a few times of reading these little saying and NOT having a magic genie (or even Dobby) INSTANTLY appear I started feeling worse than I did before I tired affirmations.  

Sound familiar?

Now, it would’ve been easy to blame the affirmations.  To call ‘em stupid or ridiculous and turn my nose up at the whole thing.  (So many people do!)  Or to just quit. 

Well– that’s not how I work.   

So, I dove head first (again), into figuring out WHY they weren’t working for me.  Here’s what I learned:  affirmations are an art, and they take a little skill.  

It’s not as simple as reciting some words scribbled on a post-it note.  For affirmations to work, you’ve got to feel ‘em, believe ‘em, embrace ‘em and live ‘em.   They’ve got mean something to you. 

So today I want to help you up your affirmation skills.  I figure there’s no better way to do that than to break down the rookie mistakes I’ve made + what to do instead.  

Ready?  Let’s go:

1. I did it ’cause someone told me to.   With zero heart.

Kinda like homework, I jumped into affirmations ’cause Louise L. Hay told me to.  I was all head + zero heart.  I used her words, did what she did, went through the motions and ignored any red flags that came up for me…. I tried (my best) to be a mini-Louise.  

Instead:  Engage your heart!  

Affirmations only work when you feel ‘em.  In your body.  Choose + use affirmations that speak to you.  That touch you.  That feel like emotional bullseye in your body.   The words aren’t nearly as important as the response they create in your body.  Changing how you feel IS the path to changing your life. 

2. I was worried.  Worried it wouldn’t work.  And, worried it would. 

In my heart of hearts, I was terrified that it wouldn’t work AND that it would.  

I wasn’t prepared for a better life yet.  I wasn’t really ready to leave my comfort zone.  So, while I liked the idea of having a better more passion filled life, it felt a bit like jumping from the high dive. Good in theory, terrifying in practice. 

Instead:  Acknowledge + look for any blocks or internal glass ceilings!

One of the (many) great things about affirmations is that, when you let ‘em, they’ll highlight your patterns and internal blocks.   Look for any kind of eeek! that comes up when using affirmations.  It’s a like a big blinking sign pointing to where you need a little TLC.

3.  I expected it not to work FOR ME.

To me, energy follows focus has always made total sense.   It’s the perfect combo of science + faith.  I wanted affirmations to be easy + totally work.  And I believed it was easy and totally worked for Louise.  I just didn’t believe it’d work FOR ME.

Instead:  Address this block first!  

This is a shining example of one of my internal blocks, and it’s a block that many of us share.  Good things can + do happen, I just wasn’t sure they happened for me.   Make sure you believe they’ll happen for you first.   Otherwise, you’ll end up spinning your wheels. 

4. I ignored how I felt.

Remember above when I said I was all head + zero heart.   Well, truth be told, I was feeling something each time I read one of my little post-it notes– it just wasn’t a good something.  

Instead:  Forget the words, focus on how you feel!  

Energy does follow focus, and energy isn’t thoughts.  Energy is the spark + fire that we feel.  It’s the zest + vitality that moves through us.   Sure, words can create vitality, but not all words do.  Focus on how you feel.  The good, the bad, and the ugly and follow your emotions not your logic.   


3 Simple Word Swaps That’ll Boost Your Self-Esteem

Words are to your self-esteem what  foodSelf-esteem is a prerequisite for a passionate life.  

It isn’t some I-conquored-that-particular-thing-so-I-feel-good-about-myself-forever kind of thing.  Your self-esteem needs love, care, nurture and support just like your body.  After all, it’s a living breathing thing. 

Simple word choices make a big difference in how we feel.  Think of it this way:  words are to your self-esteem what food is to your body. 

Choosing words that fuel + uplift you is like choosing foods that do the same.  There’s so many simple vocab swaps you can make to nurture and grow your self-esteem.  Here’s 3 of my fave: 

Swap “but” for “and.”

When you “but” yourself, you’re forcing yourself into an all-or-nothing, black-or-white box.  And, you end up labeling yourself + your experiences ALL good or ALL bad.  

The truth is you’re a wonderfully delightful complex being.  Nothing about you, or your experiences, is all good or all bad.  

That’s the beauty of “and.”  When you “and‘ yourself, instead of “but” yourself, you’re celebrating + making room for ALL of you.  

Swap “deserve” for “worth” or “matter.”

The D-word is like nails on a chalkboard for me for so many reasons, but here’s my top 3:

1.  To say you deserve something is to say you had to earn it.  And you so DON’T have to earn being loved.   You are worth being loved.  ‘Cause you matter.  See the difference?

2.  If you “deserve” the good, then it follows that you “deserve” the bad. Using the D-word, even when we mean it with love, sets us up for feeling worse about ourselves when things go haywire.  

When you have worth, you have that worth no matter the situation.  

And when you know you matter, you matter, no matter what. 

3.  When we think + feel that we “deserve” something we dive into “proving mode.”   We’re all about TELLING people we “deserve” this or we “deserve” that.

When we know our worth + that we matter, we SHARE what we want + need.   And sharing is HOW we’re able to receive + make connections.  ‘Cause when we share we’re open.

Swap “because” for a nice long pause….

Whenever we use the word “because” to justify our wants, thoughts, beliefs or actions we’re saying they aren’t enough on their own.  We’re defending ‘em before they even need defending. 

Instead, take a beat when you share your wants or thoughts.  

Practice saying, “I want to see this movie.”  Period.   Then, let that beautiful, I matter, silence ring!

It might be a little uncomfortable at first and that’s OK.  It’s an incredible self-esteem workout that lets you + your wants matter all on their own.