What Brings Out the Best in You?


CaleyPowerPointTemplateIt’s that time of year.  

You know, when gratitude make a major comeback.

We jump on this giving thanks float every year.   And, my guess is that every year your thanks head in the same general direction: family, friends, health, being together….  

What if this year you shake things up big time and give thanks for the hurdles you’ve experienced?

If you’re anything like me you’ve learned to reframe the setbacks you experience.  To see ‘em as lessons.  Opportunities.  For both growth and learning.   (I love a good reframe!)

But, do you ever give thanks for ‘em?  

I know I didn’t.  Until recently.

Thanks to Joel Osteen, I’m seeing these hurdles in a totally new light.   And giving thanks for them like crazy!

See, we’re all basically like seeds.   Waiting to grow.

And how do you get a seed to grow?   Plant ‘em of course.

When you think about it, being planted feels a lot like the dark spots in our lives.

Shoved into a tight, dark, cramped place.  Covered with shit dirt.

Totally disoriented.   Alone.  Potentially lost.

Our only guidance system comes from within ourselves.  

We have to reach within + trust ourselves.  We have to find a way to break our old shell and let our inner brilliance out in order to get back to the light.   Just like a seed.

So simple.  So beautiful.   So clarifying.

So now, I find myself giving thanks for being planted.  Constantly!

I’m thankful for the darkness.  For the shit dirt piled on me.  

Because it’s all part of how I grow.   It’s exactly what I needed in order to become the best me.

Thank you.   Thank you Universe for planting me!


“I like the good times a lot better.   But it wasn’t the good times that brought out the best in me.”  -Joel Osteen


How to Get Un-Stuck in 1 Simple Step

_If you could kick the person in theI live my life by this equation:

Compassion + Accountability = Empowerment

It came after years of playing the victim and avoiding accountability at all costs.  

See, I’d spent years in what I call “validating therapy.”  

Sitting with therapists who were so focused on being kind to me, supporting me, that they never asked me to look too closely at myself or what I was creating in my life.  

They were happy to listen to my whoas and jump on the man-that-sucks-wagon right along with me.  


This went on for years.  Years that I was completely stuck. 


From the outside it LOOKED like I was working my booty off.   I scheduled + attended all kinds of therapy appointments.  I talked about my pain- constantly.  I shared my story with anyone who wanted to listen.  

I thought I was doing the right thing.   You know, being “vulnerable.”  

And yet my self-esteem was on a steady decline…. 



Enter:  Accountability + Compassion

Then one day I met with a new therapist from a training I really liked.   One of the first things she said to me, in a totally lovingly voice was, “Yes, this happened to you and what did YOU bring to the situation, hon?” 

Wait, what????  Me?    What did I bring?

Yes.    You.   What did you bring to the situation?



Aw, sweet sweet empowerment!

The truth- that I knew but was totally avoiding AND that you already know- is that for your life to change you have to change.   

And you can’t do that without accountability.

Turns out, those accountability questions are the best thing that ever happened to me.   They’re HOW I developed my self-esteem, self-love, self-respect and became a person I really like.  

Instead of dwelling on what happened TO me, which I had/have zero control over, I learned how to pay attention to what I could change: ME.

Now, as a therapist/coach I see over and over again how this simple building block is the KEY to getting unstuck. 

No matter if it’s a client, a friend, my hubby or myself accountability, delivered with compassion, is always the difference between staying stuck and (finally!) healing, growing and moving on.  Which for me, is the very definition of Empowerment.

 

How to Have More Fun: 4 Life Lessons from Masters of Fun

Yesterday I got to spend the day hanging with 3 of the coolest little dudes around.  

We played.   We talked.  We cried.   We threw things.  We played some more.   It was totally awesome.  

And I learned a few things about living a passionate life from these tiny tots that I’d totally forgotten.  

I mean, seriously, kids are masters at living with passion.   

And, within all of us, there’s an inner child just begging to come out ‘n’ play.  

We ignore it.  Push it down.  Tell it to be quiet.  Call it names even.  

Yet all this joy-loving part of us wants to do is help you live a passionate life.  

Becoming besties with your inner child is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.  And, it’ll change how you feel in your life + how much you enjoy your life.  Entirely. 

So, I teamed up with my inner child and took some notes while hanging with these tiny gurus-of-fun to figure out exactly what they do differently.  And why they have so much more fun.   

Here’s what it boils down to:

1.  Playing IS the plan.  

Playing is the most important aspect of the day + is giving top billing. 


2.  When it’s not fun anymore, change it. 

Never let rules, physics, reality and/or logistics stand in the way of fun.   Ever. 


3.  Throw a tantrum when you don’t get it what you want  I mean, speak up for yourself + your wants.

Know what you want and ask for it.   Clearly.   Repeatedly if necessary. 


4.  Forgive quickly + easily.

Holding onto grudges means you could be missing out on something better.   Not worth it.  Not one bit. 


Totally simple + totally genius, no?   I’m telling ya, these dudes were my gurus yesterday!  


Let’s take it one step further and break these super simple yet totally brilliant lessons down for our adult lives: 

1.  Make time to play every day.

If it’s NOT on your list odds are it won’t get done.  And, if fun isn’t part of your daily routine how can you expect to enjoy your life?


2.  Think outside the box.

You don’t have to do what you’d always done.   Change up routines, definitions and actions and never feel stuck in a rut. 


3.  Ask yourself what you want + then ask the Universe for it.

This is one of those simple vs. easy things.   Knowing what we want sounds simple but can be far from easy to figure out.  Spend time with yourself + your inner child figuring out exactly what you want.  Clarity is one of the best feelings out there- not to mention HOW you actually get what you want. 


4.  Let it go. 

I mean seriously, holding a grudge takes effort + energy.   Effort + energy you could be spending in so many other more delectable and satisfying ways.  Learn to focus on what you DO what, what IS going right, how you ARE being supported and loved and let the rest go.


 

4 Times it’s Okay NOT to be Vulnerable

CaleyPowerPointTemplate

I spent the weekend in an intensive workshop.   I was the kind I dream of! FULL of good stuff for my clients AND for me + my life.

I’m still digesting most of the info and I’m sure it’ll show up in future posts.   

 

There was one piece of info that came through so loud and clear that I can’t help but share it today:  sometimes it’s okay NOT to be vulnerable.

 

Now, I’m a total Brené Brown groupie.   Even snuck into a friend’s work place to see her speak in person.  

 

(Yep. You know you’ve reached a new life stage when the highlight of your year is sneaking into someone’s work place to see your favorite researcher speak.)

 

And I’m all about vulnerability.  

 

I spend my life, work and days doing my best to understand, define, practice + teach vulnerability.  It truly is the key to connection.  And, it’s where our strength comes from.

 

So, I was totally surprised when the workshop leader started our time together with the standard therapy workshop intro, “Be sure to take care of yourself this weekend” and I heard it totally differently than ever before.

 

He was giving me permission to NOT be vulnerable if need be.

 

You know what? There were moments I choose to take full advantage of that permission.   And, it was awesome!

 

Not that I spent the weekend with my walls up.  I didn’t.

 

Or that I didn’t choose to be vulnerable at points. ‘Cause I did.  

 

AND, my choice to take care of myself throughout the weekend and NOT be vulnerable a few times totally changed my experience, interest, willingness and ability to be vulnerable, to learn, to grow + to heal.

 

It was exactly what I needed to get the most out of the weekend.

 

So, today I’m sharing 4 times it’s okay NOT to be vulnerable.

 

1.  When it will totally deplete you.

Depletion totally has it’s place in healing + growth.   It can be a very valuable tool and sometimes is absolutely necessary.

AND, it can keep you from getting shit done if you let it.  

If being vulnerable will create so much emotional fatigue that you won’t take needed action then it’s OK to skip it.  This time.  

 

2.  When you can’t be nice- or emotionally tolerate- feedback.   Even when it’s positive.

Sometimes we are so raw that any feedback, even love, coming out way reduces us to tears.  

I remember this when vividly when my hubby and I were going through some really hard times.  

If I talked about it, I cried.  
If someone tried to comfort me, I cried.

The only way to keep moving forward + function at work was to limit what I shared with people.

 

3.  When people aren’t trustworthy. (Different than your trust muscle being weak.)

Brené Brown says, “You only tell your story to those who have earned the right to hear it.”

Just ‘cause an acquaintance, your mortal frenemy, your boss or your sister asks about something doesn’t mean you have to spill the beans.  
Choose who you share with purposefully, intentionally and wisely.

 

4.  When it’s a bigger fish than you can fry in the time you have.

 

If you’ve got a story or beef that’ll take an hour to unravel and only 5 minutes to spend on it… probably not the best time to dive into it.  

Knowing the limits of what you can or can’t get to in the time/energy/focus you have is a key distinction between vulnerability and neediness. 

 

In a nutshell: a truly heartfelt, courageous, compassionate + vulnerable life requires parameters + limits.   Vulnerability is about making choices to share who you really are, what you really need and what you really feel in ways that empower you + deepen your connections with the people in your life. And sometimes, that means NOT sharing.


P.S.  If you haven’t watched Brené’s TED Talk on The Power of Vulnerability you’re in for a treat!   It’s 20 minutes and worth every single second! :)







How to Get Back Up After Being Knocked Down

_The secret to life is to fall sevenThere’s all kinds of great motivation saying out there about getting back up after you’ve been knocked down. Paulo Coelho says, “The secret to life is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

 

He’s right, of course.   And, is it really as simple as getting back up?

 

Like one of those pop-up punching bags do we just need to get back up….no matter what?   Or, is there a trick to getting back up?

 

For me, HOW I get up always determines how my next attempt goes.  Applying a slower, more deliberate, more thought-out way to learn from the punches takes way less tries than the pop-up punching bag approach.

 

Here’s my 5 best most useful steps for HOW to get up after being knocked down:


1.  Listen.

Listen to your heart. Listen to your gut. Listen to your guides, God, the Universe.

It takes a little bit of time and patience.

You gotta listen long enough to get past the ego’s voice (fear).  Like a scared child, your fearful self needs compassion.  Accept it (your fearful self).  Welcome it into your heart AND keep listening.

When the fear subsides you’ll feel a shift in your body.  Then, if you’re still listening, new non-repeating info will come to you.  

This is the good stuff.  

This is the Universe communicating directly with you.


2.  Work it out.

Journal, write, create, yell, scream, cry, sweat—  anything that works. it. outta. you.

Now I’m not talking venting or ranting where you tell the story over and over again while keeping your death grip on it + letting it become part of your identity. This actually makes it worse.

I’m talking about working the energy out of you.

Choose ways to process + let go of the physical feelings.  Separate from ‘em.  Picture ‘em leaving you.   Literally (and metaphorically) practice opening your hands, your heart, you arms and letting these details leave you.

There is no way to keep something inside you- including your mind- AND let it go.  Be willing to work it out of you, your mind, body and soul.


3.  Own your part.

I love the Law of Attraction, and this is why.

As hard as it can be to accept responsibility for what happens to us, it’s also totally + completely empowering.

Without this piece we end up feeling like victims. With no control over our lives or what happens to us.

Owning our part. Looking for our blind spots, expectations, energy set points and actions that helped create this experience is how we feel empowered.  And, how we heal.


4.  Look for the lesson.

I’m a big believer that everything happens for a reason.  

I used to say it ‘cause I liked the way it sounded.  But the more Law of Attraction coaching I do, the more I realize that this mindset is really what makes the difference in people’s lives.

Much like owning your part, when you’re willing to look at everything that happens to you as a lesson, it means you’re willing to look at the whole picture not just the ouchie stuff.

 

It’s a way of being open, which means when you get back up again you’re open to doing well.  You’re open to things going right this time.


5.  Give thanks.

Whatever it was that knocked ya down is full of gifts for you.

 

It’s full, totally, of information about you, your project, your wants and your life. When you’re able to give thanks for this info you’re able to learn from it. Digest it. Understand it and CHOOSE something different next time.

 

When you’re willing to see it as an opportunity the possibilities are endless.

How to Find Your Voice: 4 Essentials to Speaking Your Truth

CaleyPowerPointTemplateOne of the things I’m most loving ’bout my year long blogging goal is how it’s helping me to find my voice. 

It’s been an awesome challenge to figure out how to say what I want to say in 500(ish) words.  And, how to speak my truth in a way that feels good to me without worrying about what other people think. 

In other words, how to speak my truth with grace.  

This is what I call my voice.  

It’s me, my thoughts, my words, my beliefs shared with grace and compassion + hopefully a little humor.  

You don’t have to love it, you don’t even have to agree with it, that’s not what MY voice about.  MY voice is about me, clearly sharing myself in a way that I feel good about.   So that I feel confident no matter the outcome.  

The same applies to you + your voice.  

The more you speak your truth, the more awesome-fitting jobs, relationships, support systems + partners in crime you’ll draw into your life.  And the more confident, peaceful + sure you’ll feel no matter the situation.  

Finding your voice = befriending yourself. 

Here’s 4 essentials to finding your voice + speaking your truth:

1.  Practice.

To find your voice you’ve got to practice using it.   Like finding the perfect jeans you’ve got to try out different stances, levels of compassion, viewpoints and vocab in order to find what fits best.  

This can’t be done in your head.   You’ve got to get your body involved for it to become comfortable + your new normal.  Talk it out with friends, mentors or any support system- even the mirror can help.  Write it out in journals, blogs, letters, poems, songs- you name it.  Anything that helps you create an actual friendship (not a fantasy of a friendship) with you, your truth and your voice. 

2.  Pay attention to how you FEEL.

The thing about your voice + your truth is that it’ll feel good to you.   You’ll feel peaceful, confident,  sure no matter the outcome.   If you feel tense, pissed, constricted, or worried about what other people think then it’s not your voice (yet).  

So as you practice speaking your truth take time to pay attention to how it makes you feel.  Are you happy with what it brings your way?  Do you want more of what it creates in your life?  This’ll tell you when you’re on the right track or missing the mark. 


3.  Embrace the “I can’t” statements.

We all have internal glass ceilings.   They’re usually complete blind spots to us.  

They’re things we believe we can’t do, or can’t say, or can’t want and remain loved.  If speaking your truth, or thinking about speaking your truth, brings up “I can’t” statements then we’ve hit on something important.  These blocks, beliefs + glass ceilings are what’s actually in your way.  


4.  Ask for help releasing the blocks.

When we’re missing something we want in our life (like more money, relationships, happiness, passion) it tells us that we’re not yet able to possess that thing.  

If we knew how to have it,  how to do it,  how to feel it,  it’d already be part of our life.  

So instead of asking for help “getting what we want” ask for help releasing the blocks to allowing it into our lives.  

When it comes to your voice that means asking for help releasing the “I can’t” statements that hold you back.  

It doesn’t matter how connected you are to your truth, if you have a belief that says, “I can’t say that” you’ll never be able to speak your truth.    Make sense?

 

4 Signs You’re Avoiding Your Intuition (+ how to change that)

CaleyPowerPointTemplateDo you listen to your intuition?

Personally, I love my mine.   Listen to it all the time.

Every time I’ve followed this faithful friend- answered the call, taken the pilgrimage it’s calling me towards- amazing things have happened in my life.  My faith has grown.   And I become more and more sure that the universe really is here to support me.

So why the heck have I been ignoring my intuition for literally months?


At first, I didn’t even realize I was.  

 

I felt like I was just making different choices.  You know, choosing an apple instead of an orange.   Choosing this path instead of that one. 

Now I realize what I was really doing is choosing desperately clinging to the idea of certainty.   

‘Cause I’m scared.  

‘Cause what my intuition is asking me to do feels like a lot of work.

‘Cause, like a late night infomercial, a “sure thing” sounded so seductive + so… easy.


Turns out:  desperately clinging to certainty has actually led me to the most uncertain place of my life.

The radio silence I’ve had going with myself is totally disorienting.   And totally lonely.

My faith is dwindling, suffocating- barely hanging on…   And I’m even having a hard time mustering up some self-compassion ’cause I feel like I did this to myself.   Like I choose not to listen to me and now I’m paying the price.

I don’t like it.   Not even a little.  

And I so DON’T believe it has to be this way!  

One of my favorite lines from “Eat, Pray, Love” goes something like this, “to fall out of balance for love sometimes is part of living a balanced life.”   Well, for me, this same sentiment applies to listening to my intuition.   Sometimes choosing not to listen to our intuition is how we learn to recognize + trust this greater part of ourselves.

So today I’m making lemonade and turning this personal silent treatment into an opportunity for both you + me.  I mean it’s a perfect way for to learn about the ways we listen + the ways we avoid our intuition.   So we can both figure out how to get back on board with our intuition and with our faith.



CaleyPowerPointTemplateHere’s 4 signs you’re avoiding your intuition + how to get it back online.

1. A
voiding quiet time.

Intuition speaks to us in the quiet moments of our day.   If your mind is racing, the TV is always on, or your phone is glued to your fingers odds are you’re avoiding what’s going on inside of you.   Which includes your intuition.

 

Instead: Make quiet time a priority.  It doesn’t have to be long periods of time; it just has to be intentional.  Push pause on Candy Crush + take a few moments to listen to your gut.


2. You’re queen of the “yeah but.”

If a common response for you is “yeah but” you’re looking for the how things DON’T fit.  Which means, you’re in defense mode. Like a goalie, you’re making sure nothing gets past you (or into you).  Which includes your intuition.

Instead: Look for how things DO fit. This helps you move from defense, blocking everything that comes your way and into openness, accepting what comes your way.


3. Seeking (desperately) approval from other people.

This is like asking for permission from others.  So you’re doing what they told you to instead of what your heart is calling you to do.  It also means that we can easily + unintentionally blame them things don’t go our way.

 

Instead: Seek internal approval. It may be scary. It may be combined with nerves.   AND ask yourself constantly, “is it what I’M drawn to?”


4. Scrambling like hell to get to the certain path.

Fighting to stay in your comfort zone- the seemingly sure thing- means you’re not willing to risk uncertainty or vulnerability.  Which means you can’t grow or change.  And there’s little room for faith + trust.

 

Instead: lean into the uncertainty and vulnerability. Listen to these fearful parts of you and take care of them like you would a fearful child.  They hold the keys to your blocks.

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem (In no time at all)

CaleyPowerPointTemplateI can’t believe I’m quoting Yoda to you.  

My hubby + I have a long running joke about my “hatred” of fantasy.  Even though I can’t get enough Harry Potter, Twilight, Smallville + all things Superman. 

And, apparently… Yoda. 

 I mean dude’s got a point. 

He’s spot-on with his famous quote:  “Do or do not.  There is no try.”  

It totally 100% applies to self-grown, living with passion + your self-esteem.  

So today we’re digging into the truth about trying so you can rebuild trust with yourself + boost yourself self-esteem.   In no time at all.

The truth about Trying
 
Think about it this way:  you’re either in the process of doing something  OR  you’re thinking about doing something.  

Two VERY different things. 

For example:   let’s say you fall off a dock into a lake.  You wanna get back onto the dock + outta that water, pronto.  

When you’re TRYING to get back on the dock you’re frazzled, panicked, flailing about and most likely attempting the same get-outta-the-water-move over and over again with no luck.   


When you’re IN THE PROCESS OF getting back on dry land you’re cool, calm, collected.  You’re paying attention to what works + what doesn’t and taking NEW actions based on the info coming your way.  


See the difference?  One is trying.  One is doing.  

All the flailing in the world isn’t gonna get you outta that water  OR  help you reach your goals. 

Listen to Yoda + boost yo’ self-esteem. 

This difference matters big time, my friends.  It’s a main ingredient for your self-esteem, self-respect, self-worth and over all confidence.   Not to mention your ability to reach goals, live passionately and trust yo’self.  

There’s nothing wrong with thinking about doing something.  

At all.  

Not even a little bit.  

AND, when you call thinking doing,  you feel frustrated, stuck, not good enough and full of self-judgement. ‘Cause you’re SAYING you’re doing something when really, you’re not.  

There’s a disconnect.   And it makes you not only feel bad about yourself,  but also doubt that you can ever reach your goals.  No bueno! 

Instead choose words that describe what stage you are actually in.   For example:

“I’m thinking about doing….”
“I’d like to learn more about _____ some day.”
“That’s in my 5 year plan but right now I’m focusing on ______ .”
“I’m not ready to tackle this yet.”
“I’d like _____ but right now, I’m not willing to put in the effort it’d take.”

All of these are honest, accurate and take into account both your want AND your action.  

So you know where you stand.  Even if it’s on the sideline.


And Vise Versa 

When you mix up trying with being in the process of doing something you’ve taken your eye off the ball.  

You’re now focusing on what’s lacking + your missteps instead of what you’re learning from each step and how far you’ve come.

Again, mislabeling in this way leaves you feeling bad about yourself.   For no reason.  Annoying! 

Choose words that describe what you are doing, what you are learning, and where you are in the process.  

Like:

“I’m in the process of______”
“I’m finding a way to ______”
“I’ve learned ______ so far.”
“I’ve accomplished ______ so far.”
“I’m working through my blocks.”
“I’m journaling like crazy.”


It doesn’t matter what you’re doing.   You don’t have to be perfect to feel good about yourself.   Self-esteem doesn’t come from the achievements it comes from the journey.  So, acknowledge where you are, what you are doing and start building a trusting relationship with yo’self.  It’s the quickest way to actually feeling better.  Now. 

The Art of Goal Setting: How to Set Goals You Actually Want to Meet

CaleyPowerPointTemplate-3I’m feeling inspired these days!
 
I had one of those awesome weeks where it felt like there were signs + support everywhere.   I love it when those happen, don’t you?

The two highlights of my week:  1. reading The Alchemist for the first (and second and third) time.   And, 2. re-watching Julie & Julia. 

Both felt like they were speaking directly to me.  And, opened my eyes to some things I’ve done well at times and not so well at others.  

Like goals.   Setting and meeting goals.  


Turns out, me and Julie (from Julie & Julia) are kindred spirits.  We’ve both set a year long goal in hopes of transforming ourselves + our lives.

In case you don’t know the movie, Julie committed to cooking + blogging about 524 recipes in one year.   I’m in the process of writing one blog post per week for a year.   This got me thinking about the process of setting- and meeting- goals.    And how really, it’s an art form. 

Contrary to popular belief goals are not all about willpower, perseverance, or self-worth.  Goal setting a delicate, loving, vulnerable process that yes, may require you to be a bull in a china shop from time to time, and also requires faith, trust and letting yourself be seen.

It’s not one-size-fits-all.   And, for your goals to truly be successful, they can’t be fear based, ego-driven, or misaligned with your calling.  

When a goal is right for you it challenges + pushes you.   It shows you your blocks.   It helps you grow.   And, it feels so darn good to take each step towards fulfilling it.   So today we’re diving into the art of goal setting.   Personally, I can’t wait! 


  4 key steps to setting goals you actually want to meet. 


1. Focus on how you want to feel vs. what you want to get.

The truth, my friends, is that you can’t actually control what you get in life.   

Yes, you can put your best effort out there + work yo’ booty off.   But, when it comes down to it, you can’t control what actually comes your way.  So the first and most important step to setting goals you want to meet, is to line ‘em up with what you CAN influence:  how you want to feel.    


2.  Create something vs. get something.

Goals are ultimately about feeling connected.  

A new job or position, a different body weight + confidence, new relationships, more customers or clients, heck- even more money all make us feel connected to our lives + who we really are.    So when we set goals to get something instead of create something we end up getting what we don’t want:  separation.   

Make your goals be about what you want to create in your life, and in yourself.   And the rest will follow.  


3.  Duration is key! Make it out of your comfort zone and yet totally doable.

Reachable goals push you out of your comfort zone AND feel doable.  What feels doable is totally individual + changes over time.  

For example, when I first started blogging back in ’09, my goal was to post every week for 3 moths.  Never having posted anything before (not even having a myspace page) 3 months was a big push for me.   It was out of my comfort zone and didn’t feel like I was saying I’d post “to infinity and beyond.” 

This time around I’ve set a year as my goal ’cause I’ve posted for 3-4 month stretches several times over the past few years.   So now that’s my comfort zone.   A year pushes me outta that comfort zone and yet is totally attainable.  No infinity feelings there.  

Especially when you’re taking on a new pattern or behavior (like, say, working out) an endpoint is totally necessary.  If you infinity-and-beyond yo’self, you’ll feel defeated before you ever get that ball rolling.    


4.  Keep track + celebrate the heck out of each step.

Make a countdown, tracker, milestone calendar- whatever feels good to you.  And whoop it up for each step + each success- no matter how small!

Personally, I have a countdown on my fridge for my posts.   (This is my 18th week posting! Only 34 to go.)  

The countdown helps me remember how far I’ve come.  Is major motivation on the rough weeks (like last week).  Gives me something to look forward to- seeing those numbers change, baby!   AND gives me all sorts of cool insights about where + when blocks show up for me.   So I know exactly what I need to work through for each step.   Which makes reaching the goal so much easier!


Friends, if you’re not reaching goals you set, there’s a reason.   AND the reason isn’t that you suck.  :)    Turn this miss into an opportunity to learn + grow.   And trust, or learn to trust, that the Universe will always have your back.

 

How to Sidestep Resistance

Pressfield

This week I’m in the throws of a major battle.  

See, I had a blog post all planned for this week.  It’s outlined.  It’s something I’m passionate about.  And it’s clear as day… IN MY HEAD.  And, I just can’t. get. it. out.

Trying to move this post from my head to the page feels like trying to move a mountain.  So frustrating!  

This, my friends, is the shared frenemy: resistance. 

Resistance shows up in all of us.  At the most annoying times.  Without it achievements don’t feel as sweet.  And with it, our purpose is in jeopardy. Learning to handle + sidestep resistance is key in becoming who you’re meant to be.  

“The more important an activity is to a soul’s evolution the more resistance you will feel.” ~Steven Pressfield 

The first step to taking on resistance is re-framing it.

Resistance doesn’t happen when you’re doing something wrong, it happens ‘CAUSE you’re doing something right.  When you keep this perspective in mind it becomes much easier to battle resistance and win.


Here’s 3 action steps so you can sidestep resistance:

1.  Call it out.

Resistance is a big bully.   It uses intimidation to see if you’ll give up your lunch money self-worth.   It’s goal + only fuel source is you feeling bad about yourself.   Once you’ve gone down the “I’m not good enough” path and stop what you’re doing, resistance has won.  

Instead, call resistance out.   Name it.   Acknowledge it.   

Like I’m doing in this post.   I’m talking about it.   I’m letting you + me know what’s going on.   I’m facing it head on. 

Calling resistance out + putting words to what’s happening is like turning on a light.  You’re no longer in the dark and you can (finally) see what you’re doing.  Use that light to let resistance know you’re totally on to it.  And today, you’re not backing down.


2.  Do something.  Anything.  Just keep moving. 

“Put your ass where your heart wants to be.” -Steven Pressfied  

When resistance is really bad it’s crucial to keep moving.  Even if just a little bit.  

At this point it’s not about producing greatness or the final product, it’s about doing your work + overcoming resistance.  ‘Cause giving into resistance, by stopping, only fuels it.  Kinda like feeding a stray cat, it’ll keep coming back for more and more and more….  

Taking a step- any step- puts you back in the drivers seat.   And strengthens your I-know-how-to-deal-with-resistance muscle. 

Like this post.  It isn’t the one I had in my head.  That I’d been planning for weeks.  And yet, it IS a post.   It is movement towards my goal + my purpose.   It is me overcoming resistance.   


3.  Celebrate the step!  (Ditch the “yeah but.”) 

If you spend time + energy beating yourself up for taking a different step than originally planned you’re still fueling resistance.  

All you’re “yeah buts” focusing on what you didn’t do only  make you feel so bad about the step you did take.  So, of course you won’t want to take any steps next time resistance hits.  (And there will be a next time.)  

Resistance popping up isn’t personal.  It came calling ’cause you were following your calling.  So continue to strengthen your I-know-how-to-deal-with-resistance muscle by celebrating the step you did take + let the rest go.  

Who cares that this wasn’t the post I had scheduled for today?   I don’t.   And I doubt you do.  

All that matters is that I did my work.   Today, I overcame resistance!  

And hopefully helped you better understand resistance in the process. 


Oh, and here’s a 4th bonus step for you:

Read, reread, highlight, memorize and savor  The War of Art by Steven Pressfield .   He’s seriously THE MAN when it comes to resistance and this book will change your life.