Lately I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with lots of potential new clients.
I love this part of the job!
But, there’s one aspect of these calls that often breaks my heart: shame.
Often disguised as fear.
Shame is something we feel on the inside that tells us we’re not good enough. Something’s wrong with us. We have to change who we are in order to feel good enough. And, to be loved.
Which sends us searching for the “perfect solution.”
One that guarantees success.
Has worked for “everyone else.”
And tella us exactly what we need to do to be loveable + find our purpose.
This has been my biggest hurdle in my coaching transition.
Kinda like an infomercial, coaches have a tendency to tell you that they have the answers you’re looking for.
That they’ve created a sure-fire, will-work-for-you, guaranteed-success program that has worked for everyone they’ve ever worked with. They’ll take you through steps 1 through 6 and your life will magically be changed. Forever.
You know what this actually does?
- Sets you up for failure. Cause it’s not addressing your needs, your strengths, your hurdles and what the heck got you to this place to begin with.
- Creates more shame. Way more shame. If it’s worked for “everyone” before you then it must be your fault it isn’t working for you. Right?
- And keeps you looking outside yourself for answers. Hoping + believing that there’s a magic solution that you can apply without doing the inner work.
Here’s the thing my friends: personal growth is so not a one-size-fits-all thing.
Kinda like perfect fitting jeans, there is no one program that fits every personality type. (And honestly, anyone who tells you different is just trying to make money.)
Now this doesn’t mean that all coaching programs are bad. They aren’t.
Or that you can’t find one that’ll change your life so easily it feels like magic. You can.
It just means you need to know what to look for.
Here are 3 things to consider in finding your perfect fitting coach or program:
- Know what you need.
There’s a BIG difference between information, education and practical next steps and internal healing, shifting and releasing.
If you’ve been stuck- for any length of time- internal work is needed. Next steps, education + information will only overwhelm if you’re not able to take action steps.
- Is sabotage is addressed?
We all sabotage ourselves. All of us.
If we don’t uncover these patterns and deal with ‘em, they’ll keep showing up.
It doesn’t matter how great the info this or that program has- if you’re inner saboteur goes unchecked, you’ll end up back where you started. 100% of the time.
- Is the focus you or the process?
Going back to question 1, if you’re in the need more info camp, then a generalized process can be exactly what you need. For example, books, self-study courses, huge anonymous programs give you the info + you go out and make it happen.
If, however, you already have the info- you know what you need to do- and you haven’t been able to turn that info into action then smaller, personalized, meet-you-where-you-are programs are going to be a better fit.
This is where individual sessions + small personal groups can be the most helpful. They’re designed (ideally) to meet you were you are and address your specific blocks.
Much like clothes, when we get out of the one-size-fits-all mentality, and are willing to get in there + try things on, we learn what fits us.
What flatters us.
What highlights our best traits.