The Art of Goal Setting: How to Set Goals You Actually Want to Meet

CaleyPowerPointTemplate-3I’m feeling inspired these days!
 
I had one of those awesome weeks where it felt like there were signs + support everywhere.   I love it when those happen, don’t you?

The two highlights of my week:  1. reading The Alchemist for the first (and second and third) time.   And, 2. re-watching Julie & Julia. 

Both felt like they were speaking directly to me.  And, opened my eyes to some things I’ve done well at times and not so well at others.  

Like goals.   Setting and meeting goals.  


Turns out, me and Julie (from Julie & Julia) are kindred spirits.  We’ve both set a year long goal in hopes of transforming ourselves + our lives.

In case you don’t know the movie, Julie committed to cooking + blogging about 524 recipes in one year.   I’m in the process of writing one blog post per week for a year.   This got me thinking about the process of setting- and meeting- goals.    And how really, it’s an art form. 

Contrary to popular belief goals are not all about willpower, perseverance, or self-worth.  Goal setting a delicate, loving, vulnerable process that yes, may require you to be a bull in a china shop from time to time, and also requires faith, trust and letting yourself be seen.

It’s not one-size-fits-all.   And, for your goals to truly be successful, they can’t be fear based, ego-driven, or misaligned with your calling.  

When a goal is right for you it challenges + pushes you.   It shows you your blocks.   It helps you grow.   And, it feels so darn good to take each step towards fulfilling it.   So today we’re diving into the art of goal setting.   Personally, I can’t wait! 


  4 key steps to setting goals you actually want to meet. 


1. Focus on how you want to feel vs. what you want to get.

The truth, my friends, is that you can’t actually control what you get in life.   

Yes, you can put your best effort out there + work yo’ booty off.   But, when it comes down to it, you can’t control what actually comes your way.  So the first and most important step to setting goals you want to meet, is to line ‘em up with what you CAN influence:  how you want to feel.    


2.  Create something vs. get something.

Goals are ultimately about feeling connected.  

A new job or position, a different body weight + confidence, new relationships, more customers or clients, heck- even more money all make us feel connected to our lives + who we really are.    So when we set goals to get something instead of create something we end up getting what we don’t want:  separation.   

Make your goals be about what you want to create in your life, and in yourself.   And the rest will follow.  


3.  Duration is key! Make it out of your comfort zone and yet totally doable.

Reachable goals push you out of your comfort zone AND feel doable.  What feels doable is totally individual + changes over time.  

For example, when I first started blogging back in ’09, my goal was to post every week for 3 moths.  Never having posted anything before (not even having a myspace page) 3 months was a big push for me.   It was out of my comfort zone and didn’t feel like I was saying I’d post “to infinity and beyond.” 

This time around I’ve set a year as my goal ’cause I’ve posted for 3-4 month stretches several times over the past few years.   So now that’s my comfort zone.   A year pushes me outta that comfort zone and yet is totally attainable.  No infinity feelings there.  

Especially when you’re taking on a new pattern or behavior (like, say, working out) an endpoint is totally necessary.  If you infinity-and-beyond yo’self, you’ll feel defeated before you ever get that ball rolling.    


4.  Keep track + celebrate the heck out of each step.

Make a countdown, tracker, milestone calendar- whatever feels good to you.  And whoop it up for each step + each success- no matter how small!

Personally, I have a countdown on my fridge for my posts.   (This is my 18th week posting! Only 34 to go.)  

The countdown helps me remember how far I’ve come.  Is major motivation on the rough weeks (like last week).  Gives me something to look forward to- seeing those numbers change, baby!   AND gives me all sorts of cool insights about where + when blocks show up for me.   So I know exactly what I need to work through for each step.   Which makes reaching the goal so much easier!


Friends, if you’re not reaching goals you set, there’s a reason.   AND the reason isn’t that you suck.  :)    Turn this miss into an opportunity to learn + grow.   And trust, or learn to trust, that the Universe will always have your back.

 

How to Sidestep Resistance

Pressfield

This week I’m in the throws of a major battle.  

See, I had a blog post all planned for this week.  It’s outlined.  It’s something I’m passionate about.  And it’s clear as day… IN MY HEAD.  And, I just can’t. get. it. out.

Trying to move this post from my head to the page feels like trying to move a mountain.  So frustrating!  

This, my friends, is the shared frenemy: resistance. 

Resistance shows up in all of us.  At the most annoying times.  Without it achievements don’t feel as sweet.  And with it, our purpose is in jeopardy. Learning to handle + sidestep resistance is key in becoming who you’re meant to be.  

“The more important an activity is to a soul’s evolution the more resistance you will feel.” ~Steven Pressfield 

The first step to taking on resistance is re-framing it.

Resistance doesn’t happen when you’re doing something wrong, it happens ‘CAUSE you’re doing something right.  When you keep this perspective in mind it becomes much easier to battle resistance and win.


Here’s 3 action steps so you can sidestep resistance:

1.  Call it out.

Resistance is a big bully.   It uses intimidation to see if you’ll give up your lunch money self-worth.   It’s goal + only fuel source is you feeling bad about yourself.   Once you’ve gone down the “I’m not good enough” path and stop what you’re doing, resistance has won.  

Instead, call resistance out.   Name it.   Acknowledge it.   

Like I’m doing in this post.   I’m talking about it.   I’m letting you + me know what’s going on.   I’m facing it head on. 

Calling resistance out + putting words to what’s happening is like turning on a light.  You’re no longer in the dark and you can (finally) see what you’re doing.  Use that light to let resistance know you’re totally on to it.  And today, you’re not backing down.


2.  Do something.  Anything.  Just keep moving. 

“Put your ass where your heart wants to be.” -Steven Pressfied  

When resistance is really bad it’s crucial to keep moving.  Even if just a little bit.  

At this point it’s not about producing greatness or the final product, it’s about doing your work + overcoming resistance.  ‘Cause giving into resistance, by stopping, only fuels it.  Kinda like feeding a stray cat, it’ll keep coming back for more and more and more….  

Taking a step- any step- puts you back in the drivers seat.   And strengthens your I-know-how-to-deal-with-resistance muscle. 

Like this post.  It isn’t the one I had in my head.  That I’d been planning for weeks.  And yet, it IS a post.   It is movement towards my goal + my purpose.   It is me overcoming resistance.   


3.  Celebrate the step!  (Ditch the “yeah but.”) 

If you spend time + energy beating yourself up for taking a different step than originally planned you’re still fueling resistance.  

All you’re “yeah buts” focusing on what you didn’t do only  make you feel so bad about the step you did take.  So, of course you won’t want to take any steps next time resistance hits.  (And there will be a next time.)  

Resistance popping up isn’t personal.  It came calling ’cause you were following your calling.  So continue to strengthen your I-know-how-to-deal-with-resistance muscle by celebrating the step you did take + let the rest go.  

Who cares that this wasn’t the post I had scheduled for today?   I don’t.   And I doubt you do.  

All that matters is that I did my work.   Today, I overcame resistance!  

And hopefully helped you better understand resistance in the process. 


Oh, and here’s a 4th bonus step for you:

Read, reread, highlight, memorize and savor  The War of Art by Steven Pressfield .   He’s seriously THE MAN when it comes to resistance and this book will change your life. 

 


5 Super Simple Tips for Beating the Winter Blues

Here in Seattle fall is in the air.   In my opinion it’s wonderful!

I’m kinda perfect for Seattle life.  

I look forward to each season– even winter.  Call me crazy but I love the short days + rain of winter just as much as the long days + sun of summer.   Now, there’s definitely a few tricks to loving life when it gets dark at 4:00pm.  

As the weather changes you’ve got to change your routine to match.    


Like everything else in life you have a choice:  you can sulk, feel crummy and blame it on the weather.  Or, you can do something about it.   I say, let’s do something about it! 


5 super simple tips for beating the winter blues:


1.  Lighting makes everything better. 

One of the biggest keys to having a cozy winter is lighting.  

No one wants to spend all day and then all night under the blaring overhead lighting of our offices + homes.  It can start to feel a bit like we’re under interrogation, no?  Setting the mood with some ambiance lighting changes the feeling of whatever you’re doing and creates feelings of coziness + nurture instead of interrogation.  

Use lamps, candles, low watt light bulbs, Christmas lights, Himalayan salt lamps and plug-in dimmers to create a perfectly lit, super cozy space you’ll actually want to hang in.  

2.  Treat staying in as an event, too. 

A little intention + purpose turns any evening into a night filled with passion.  It’s part of why summer activities feel good.  You decide what sounds good and align your actions.  Well, same goes staying in!  

Invite friends over for a movie night, board games, cards, wine tastings, cook-off’s, football games, dance parties, Wii Olympics, make-your-own-pizza-night or a cookie bake-off.  Or, enjoy a relaxing evening or rainy afternoon on your own with at home spa treatments, good books, tear jerker movies, yummy treats, or TV marathons.  

Really the options are endless!  

With just a little thought, purpose + being in the present moment anything, literally anything, can feel like a special event.  


3.  Explore the great INdoors.

One of the great things about summer is that there’s so much to do.  Well, winter has its own set of adventures.  

They tend to be childhood memories, ’cause our parents knew we needed to get out of the house, and they still totally work today.  Indoor activities like the driving range, batting cages, bowling, skating (roller or ice), rock climbing, dancing, cooking classes, spa days, live music, pool halls, arcades, book stores, coffee shops, wine bars are great ways to get out of the house, shake the cobwebs off + feel alive.  No matter what the weather’s doing outside. 


4.  Never underestimate the power of a warm drink.

When the weather’s cold there’s nothing quite like a warm drink to up the cozy factor.   Holding, sipping, steam gazing a hot cup of something yummy is kinda like sitting and watching the waves roll in.  

No matter what you’re doing this winter, adding a hot cuppa tea, water with lemon, hot chocolate, latte, cider or mulled wine to your routine will take whatever you’re doing from have-to-do to super-cozy.    


5.  Decorate. 

OK, I admit it, this one I’m not so reliable with.  And, I notice a major difference in how we feel during the winter months when I actually take the time to decorate.  Simple decorations like pumpkins + gourds, fall leaves, yummy seasonal candles or air fresheners make everything you do at home cozier.  

Winter is a time for lying low and hibernation and nothing makes your home feel more comfy-please-hibernate-here-like than some extra (seasonal) decorations. 


I’m telling you, if you combine all of these 5 beat the winter blues tips you’ll find yourself hoping for rain + looking for reasons to stay home. 

 

Maybe Self-Care Isn’t What You Need?

_You were about to drink this cappuccinoOne of my favorite things about my job is the super cool people it attracts into my life.  I spend my days hangin’ with massage therapists, energy workers, acupuncturists, coaches + therapists.  It’s awesome!  

And, I totally benefit from their wisdom all the time. 

It’s actually part of how I keep growing + learning and upping my personal game.  

Like last week.  I had an amazing session with a dear colleague who got me thinking about the difference between self-care and nurture.  And my own self-care vs. nurture routine(s).


Turns out I’m a pro at one, and whatever comes before novice at the other.


I like to consider myself a bit of a self-care pro.  

Sure, it’s part of my work.  I also practice what I preach.  

I mediate,  I  get massages + energy work,  I walk by the water whenever I can,  I know about my food allergies and follow ‘em,  I learn (often),  I grow (often),  I take long baths,  lose myself in my coffee every single morning,  I keep a gratitude journal…. I mean seriously, the list could go on and on.

So when my friend asked what I do to nurture myself, I was totally surprised by my loooong pause + “I’m not sure” response.


What gives?  

My first thought was, “But self-care IS nurture, no?”   Turns out, not so much. 

They seem the same.  They’re both about taking care of you.  But, when you pull back the layers you see how different they really are.

In a nutshell: all nurture is self-care, but not all self-care is nurture.  Mind blowing!

So I started a nurture journal to help me (+ you) understand and up my (+ your) nurture routine.  
And here’s what I’ve got so far:

Self-care is the action.  
It’s something outside ourselves.  
That we do cause we feel like we’re loosing it for ourselves.  

Nurture on the other hand is a feeling.  
It’s something inside us.  
That we need to feel good survive.

Self-care, especially if you lean towards the over giving + over functioning side of things, can turn into just that:  more giving.  
More checking things off the list.  More things you “should” do.

Nurture is about being in the present moment.  It’s when you let in and fully experience self-care.  It’s that warm belly, fueled from the inside, peaceful feeling.  Like chicken soup when you’re sick.  


In other words, nurture is about having rather than doing.


Turns out, you can totally turn (almost) anything into a nurturing experience.   Here’s how:

1.  Set your intention.  Be crystal clear about what you want to get from each thing you do.  When you want nurture acknowledge that.

2.  Be present.  For EACH step.  This reminds me of Ally McBeal drinking coffee. (See below)  One of my all time fave clips!  Slow down.  Take your time.  Be present + savor each and every step.

3.  Allow.  Allowing means letting the good feelings in.  Not making to-do lists in your head.  Not thinking about how much your BFF, hubby or kids would love this.  Not blocking, or skipping over, the joy that’s coming from this experience.  Instead, allow the love + nurture to wash over you and enjoy every single sip moment. 

Don’t skip the foreplay in your life, hon!   It’s the best part.  With it, even coffee can be a nurturing soul-fueling experience.  Enjoy! :)

 

What is Life Coaching, Anyway?

Screen shot 2014-09-02 at 9.43.07 AM
Since making the switch from traditional therapy to Life Purpose Coaching, I get this question all the time: “So, what exactly IS life coaching anyway?” 



In a nutshell: coaching is all about discovering the intentional and unintentional ways we stop ourselves from living big.  


Like setting goals we don’t really want to reach. (Hence the awesome fitspiration image from my peeps at The Body Department.) 


See, we take classes to understand and learn things like math, science, reading + business.  But we don’t get classes on making our life work (maybe someday?).

That’s where coaching comes in.     It’s like a class on how to do life. 


So here’s my best answers to the question: “So, what is Life Coaching anyway?”


1.  It’s a place to learn. 

Coaching is all about learning.  

Learning about you, your patterns, your strengths + your blocks. 

I often joke that I’m a personal trainer for your brain. ‘Cause that’s what learning is:  a workout for the ol’ noggin.  

Just like a physical workout means you can DO more, working your brain out means you can SEE more.  
With coaching you learn to see yourself + your patterns from different angles.  
And to see opportunities + choices where you couldn’t before.  

It’s a way to learn how to make your life work for you.  


2.  It’s a support system.

Let’s be real: loneliness sucks.  And taking on life changing projects all on your own is the worst kind of loneliness.  Working with a coach is like bringing on a partner to help you every step of the way.    

Someone who:

  • totally supports you. (Even when you can’t.) 
  • wants you to succeed AND can see you doing it(Even when you can’t.) 
  • is able to see the bigger picture. (Even when you can’t.) 
  • focuses on your strengths.  (Even when you can’t.)
  • lovingly holds you accountable (even when you can’t) + helps you learn to tackle resistance. 
  • and, is so curious about you, they could spend the whole hour just asking questions about you with ZERO judgment. (Especially when you can’t.)

Basically, a coach is someone who’s got your back.  Fully.  (Even when you can’t.) 



3.  It’s YOU time. 

It’s time you set aside to intentionally focus on you.  Without which, very little nothing changes. 



4.  It’s strength focused. 

You’ve got it go going on.  

Maybe not in every part of your life, but in some areas you’re totally rocking it.   Coaching builds on that.  

What’s already working for your.   What you’re already knocking-outta-the-park. 

It helps you reframe + understand these snippets of success so you can purposefully create the same success over ‘n’ over.
(Instead of feeling like it’s a fluke.)



3.  It’s about getting to the next level.

Life Coaching is a support system with one goal in mind: improving the quality of your life. 

It’s about reaching goals.  Moving forward.  Upping your game.  

In my words, it’s about going from good to ah-mazing.  

Sure, there’s usually some healing + letting go along the way.  But what makes coaching so effective is it’s focus on growing + learning and what you DO want in your live. 

When you understand exactly HOW you take the ball and run-  you learn how to (better) do life + totally up your game.   



 

 

 

How to Up Your Affirmation Game (+ My Rookie Mistakes)

CaleyPowerPointTemplate-3When I first learned about affirmations I dove in head first.  The idea that I could change my words and change my entire life had me at hello!

I diligently made post-it notes with Louise L. Hay’s words and stuck ‘em everywhere.  All over my wallet, mirrors, fridge, notebooks home + car, you name it. 

Then I’d read ‘em and nervously look around expecting some sorta genie, or maybe Happy Potter, to instantly pop into the room and “grant my wish.”

After a few times of reading these little saying and NOT having a magic genie (or even Dobby) INSTANTLY appear I started feeling worse than I did before I tired affirmations.  

Sound familiar?


Now, it would’ve been easy to blame the affirmations.  To call ‘em stupid or ridiculous and turn my nose up at the whole thing.  (So many people do!)  Or to just quit. 

Well– that’s not how I work.   

So, I dove head first (again), into figuring out WHY they weren’t working for me.  Here’s what I learned:  affirmations are an art, and they take a little skill.  

It’s not as simple as reciting some words scribbled on a post-it note.  For affirmations to work, you’ve got to feel ‘em, believe ‘em, embrace ‘em and live ‘em.   They’ve got mean something to you. 

So today I want to help you up your affirmation skills.  I figure there’s no better way to do that than to break down the rookie mistakes I’ve made + what to do instead.  

Ready?  Let’s go:

1. I did it ’cause someone told me to.   With zero heart.

Kinda like homework, I jumped into affirmations ’cause Louise L. Hay told me to.  I was all head + zero heart.  I used her words, did what she did, went through the motions and ignored any red flags that came up for me…. I tried (my best) to be a mini-Louise.  


Instead:  Engage your heart!  

Affirmations only work when you feel ‘em.  In your body.  Choose + use affirmations that speak to you.  That touch you.  That feel like emotional bullseye in your body.   The words aren’t nearly as important as the response they create in your body.  Changing how you feel IS the path to changing your life. 


2. I was worried.  Worried it wouldn’t work.  And, worried it would. 

In my heart of hearts, I was terrified that it wouldn’t work AND that it would.  

I wasn’t prepared for a better life yet.  I wasn’t really ready to leave my comfort zone.  So, while I liked the idea of having a better more passion filled life, it felt a bit like jumping from the high dive. Good in theory, terrifying in practice. 

Instead:  Acknowledge + look for any blocks or internal glass ceilings!

One of the (many) great things about affirmations is that, when you let ‘em, they’ll highlight your patterns and internal blocks.   Look for any kind of eeek! that comes up when using affirmations.  It’s a like a big blinking sign pointing to where you need a little TLC.

3.  I expected it not to work FOR ME.

To me, energy follows focus has always made total sense.   It’s the perfect combo of science + faith.  I wanted affirmations to be easy + totally work.  And I believed it was easy and totally worked for Louise.  I just didn’t believe it’d work FOR ME.

Instead:  Address this block first!  

This is a shining example of one of my internal blocks, and it’s a block that many of us share.  Good things can + do happen, I just wasn’t sure they happened for me.   Make sure you believe they’ll happen for you first.   Otherwise, you’ll end up spinning your wheels. 

4. I ignored how I felt.

Remember above when I said I was all head + zero heart.   Well, truth be told, I was feeling something each time I read one of my little post-it notes– it just wasn’t a good something.  

Instead:  Forget the words, focus on how you feel!  

Energy does follow focus, and energy isn’t thoughts.  Energy is the spark + fire that we feel.  It’s the zest + vitality that moves through us.   Sure, words can create vitality, but not all words do.  Focus on how you feel.  The good, the bad, and the ugly and follow your emotions not your logic.   

 

3 Simple Word Swaps That’ll Boost Your Self-Esteem

Words are to your self-esteem what  foodSelf-esteem is a prerequisite for a passionate life.  


It isn’t some I-conquored-that-particular-thing-so-I-feel-good-about-myself-forever kind of thing.  Your self-esteem needs love, care, nurture and support just like your body.  After all, it’s a living breathing thing. 


Simple word choices make a big difference in how we feel.  Think of it this way:  words are to your self-esteem what food is to your body. 


Choosing words that fuel + uplift you is like choosing foods that do the same.  There’s so many simple vocab swaps you can make to nurture and grow your self-esteem.  Here’s 3 of my fave: 




Swap “but” for “and.”

When you “but” yourself, you’re forcing yourself into an all-or-nothing, black-or-white box.  And, you end up labeling yourself + your experiences ALL good or ALL bad.  

The truth is you’re a wonderfully delightful complex being.  Nothing about you, or your experiences, is all good or all bad.  

That’s the beauty of “and.”  When you “and‘ yourself, instead of “but” yourself, you’re celebrating + making room for ALL of you.  


Swap “deserve” for “worth” or “matter.”

The D-word is like nails on a chalkboard for me for so many reasons, but here’s my top 3:

1.  To say you deserve something is to say you had to earn it.  And you so DON’T have to earn being loved.   You are worth being loved.  ‘Cause you matter.  See the difference?

2.  If you “deserve” the good, then it follows that you “deserve” the bad. Using the D-word, even when we mean it with love, sets us up for feeling worse about ourselves when things go haywire.  

When you have worth, you have that worth no matter the situation.  

And when you know you matter, you matter, no matter what. 

3.  When we think + feel that we “deserve” something we dive into “proving mode.”   We’re all about TELLING people we “deserve” this or we “deserve” that.

When we know our worth + that we matter, we SHARE what we want + need.   And sharing is HOW we’re able to receive + make connections.  ‘Cause when we share we’re open.


Swap “because” for a nice long pause….

Whenever we use the word “because” to justify our wants, thoughts, beliefs or actions we’re saying they aren’t enough on their own.  We’re defending ‘em before they even need defending. 

Instead, take a beat when you share your wants or thoughts.  

Practice saying, “I want to see this movie.”  Period.   Then, let that beautiful, I matter, silence ring!

It might be a little uncomfortable at first and that’s OK.  It’s an incredible self-esteem workout that lets you + your wants matter all on their own.  

 

How to Make Your Past Work for You,
Not Against You

CaleyPowerPointTemplate-2When it comes to the past letting go isn’t always what you need. 

Usually the past hangs around when you’ve yet to learn what you need from it.

Don’t get me wrong; the classic cycles of dwelling, obsessing, blaming, revenge plotting and comeback hunting are in no way helpful.  And yet, when done correctly, looking at the past is one of our most useful tools.
 
See, your past has incredible nuggets of info that’ll totally help you learn, grow and create future success.  Studying it with purpose + intention is literally your best resource for figuring out what works, and more importantly, what doesn’t.   


The trick is HOW you review it.
 
Here’s the keys to making your past work for you, not against you.   

1.  Look at YOUR part in the situation.

While fantasizing about saying or doing something different so that other people act differently is totally normal, it’s also a complete waste of your time. 

When we pay attention to our part + what we brought to the situation we learn.  We grow.  And, we move on.

Focusing on anyone’s actions but yours is like trying to change what’s already happened.  Instead, use what’s already happened to help create a future + present that you want. 


2. Review the choices you made even if they didn’t’ feel like choices.

Here’s the thing: everything we do is a choice.  It doesn’t always feel like a choice.  And, it IS a choice.

Accept this.  And, notice when you feel like you do or when you don’t have a choice. It is one of the most empowering things you can do. It’ll show you where your strengths and weaknesses are.  Where your blind spots are.  Plus, what totally triggers you. 


3.  Questions are Queen.  

Instead of digging in your heels and reciting the past as fact, ask yourself questions.  Boatloads of ‘em.  

Questions are how we learn.  How we digest + understand new things.  They’re how we expose old limiting thoughts, assumptions, habits and unconscious beliefs.  

Here’s some marvelous questions to include in your lineup:

HOW did you make your choice(s)?  With you head?  Heart?  Gut?  Out of fear? Panic?  Habit?  

Where you acting out of love of fear?
Did this choice take you closer to your purpose or farther from it?
Was this in alignment with who you want to be?
What are you actually avoiding with this choice? What are you creating more of with this choice?
What would it say about you if you felt like you had a choice?


4.  Which of these things is like, or not like, the others? 

To really learn from your pasts + create a different future look for patterns.  Both success and failure leave clues– you’ve just got to be willing to look for ‘em.

Keep the questions going +  look at the situation from all angles to uncover your clues:

What were the signs (that maybe you missed) leading up to the event?
How was this similar to past experiences?  How was it different?
How did you feel heading into it?
How might you’ve missed these signs?  What did they feel like? 
Did you listen to yourself?
What can you look for + do different going forward?


With the right action plan + focus the past can totally work for you.  Next time you’re feeling stuck ‘cause the past just won’t seem to let go, stop trying to out run it and use these steps to turn it into an opportunity for growth.

Hole-Poking: How You’re Holding Yourself Back

Hole-PokingHole-poking is one of the most common ways we get stuck.  


The more you use this negative-Nelly habit, the more stuck you feel.  Guaranteed.

What is hole-poking?  In a nut shell, it’s focusing on why something: 

  • won’t work
  • doesn’t apply to you
  • is hard to do


For example:  someone shares an idea or new concept with you and no matter what they say, or how they explain it, you zero in on the one or two words that make it NOT work for you.  

And, you pounce on ‘em like a cat going after a laser dot.



They might have 100 awesome points.  That would totally help you out.  
Yet all you hear is the part that will be hard.  Uncomfortable.  Or doesn’t fit perfectly the first time through.  



You’re not looking for solutions. You’re not growing.  You’re not learning.


Instead you’re caught up in a horrible case of rationalization- determined to find fault in anything that tries to move you out of your comfort zone.


Basically, you’re hitting the emergency brake.  All.  Day.  Long.  

We’ve all been there.  And it’s no fun.


Here’s 5 ways to take your foot off the brake and stop poking holes.


Embrace your scaredy-cat-ness. 

Change.   Growth.  Progress.   As much as we want these things they mean leaving your comfort zone in the dust.  And that’s scary stuff.   

Acknowledge + communicate what’s got you spooked.   Remind yourself that it’s OK to be scared.  It’s OK to be unsure.  Let yourself be in the “and” place:  “I want this change AND I’m scared.”  Then, take it slow. 
 

Look for how the info DOES apply + how it CAN help.

ALL information can help us.  Teach us.  Direct us.  If we’re willing to listen.  

Information is like making a new friend.  Looking for how it does relate to us is how we create connections, understanding, new possibilities + how we create a new pattern in our life. 


**If a theme is coming up again and again-  listen. It’s happening for a reason. 


Look for what’s gone right.

Tony Robbins says, “Success always leaves clues.”  And it does.  Big time.   

When you start looking for how/why things have gone well, you can recreate + build on that success without reinventing the wheel.  It’ll get you out of the parking lot and back into the race.

Un-plant your heels.  Literally. 

When we’re hole-poking we generally feel:  

Tense + ready for battle 
Defeated, “This won’t work, why bother?” 
Stiff, “It has to go perfect. Must.  Resist.  Anything.  Less.”  

Relaxing your body is one swift way to refocus your mind.  

Loosen up your shoulders.  Unclench your jaw.  Shake out your hands.  

Let your body know you’re NOT under attack.  This will instantly calm your internal alarm system.  And let you start seeing things from a whole new lens.



Breathe first. Speak second. 

Before you speak take a deep breath.

Acknowledge you’re feeling some resistance. 

Take another breath.

THEN speak.  


If you’re still only finding fault(s) start with questions.  Get clear on the intention of the information (or the person delivering it) so you can find common ground. 


Hole poking is easy to spot when you know what you’re looking for.  With a little practice you’ll be have a lot less holes in your life in no time.

11 Relationship Dos
That’ll Help You Rock Your Job

11 Relationship DosThis Saturday marked 11 years since the hub-ster and I got hitched!

I can honestly say we’re (WAY) happier today than we were back then. 


Don’t get me wrong, our wedding was beautiful.  


But for us, marriage took some figuring out.  

We had to learn HOW to make an in-it-for-the-long-haul-relationship work.  Kinda like owning vs. leasing a car.  Marriage is a whole different thing than dating.  To figure it out, we had to learn about ourselves and each other.  



Well, much like marriage, your career falls into this in-it-for-the-long-haul category.   


It’s different than a “job.”  And takes different skills + understanding than the one-hit-wonder gigs of your youth in order to keep the passion alive. 


So today I’m tipping my hat to our 11 years of marriage by helping you work out some in-it-for-the-long-haul career kinks.  Keep in mind, everything I’m sharing today can absolutely be applied to BOTH your career + personal life.  At their core, each of these 11 dos are mindsets that lead to a passionate life. 


11 relationship dos that’ll totally help you rock your job. 


1. Compromise doesn’t feel like compromise when you know your why.  Look, I love my husband.  I value my marriage.  The distinction is key.  ‘Cause on days when I’d kinda like to stab him with a fork (and they do happen), I know WHY working it out is worth it TO ME.   Same rules apply to your job.   Odds are you won’t love every day.  And, one bad day doesn’t have to ruin the bunch. 


2.  Compromise can always be reached.  If it’s not happening someone is trying to win.  If it’s you: stop it.  If it’s them: help ‘em win.  The only way to create a win-win is to be on the same page.   


3.  Plans are sexy.  How much do you get done that’s not on your to-do list?  Exactly.  


4.  Waiting to talk is not the same as listening.  Listening to your co-workers or customers is the quickest path to rock-stardom.  They’ll feel valued, important and their walls will come down so you’ll be able to solve challenges together in no time flat.  


5.  You’re responsible for what you bring to the situation.  Blame looks good on no one.  Own what you bring to each situation.  If it’s not your proudest moment, that’s OK.  There’s no way to change it until you’re aware of it.   


6. Don’t take things personally.  We’re all a bit self-focused.  Whatever they’re doing is 100% ’cause of them, NOT YOU. 


7.  We’re not the same.  Don’t assume they’er thinking what you are.  Don’t assume you’re thinking what they are.  Communicate without assumption.  It’ll be like a breath of fresh air! 


8.  It’s a good thing that we aren’t the same.  Life, and projects, would be totally boring without some diversity.  Our differences are opportunities to create amazing mash-ups + totally inspired projects. 


9.  Play to each others strengths.  Everyone has a place they truly shine.  Embrace that.  Utilize that.  Celebrate that.  It’s how passion thrives.   


10. Score-keeping is like shooting yourself in the foot.   It makes you feel bad.  And, makes everyone want to avoid you.  If you just have to score keep, start tracking the wins instead.  Your foot will thank you. 


11.  It’s always worth fighting for. ‘Cause YOU are worth fighting for.  When it gets tough, roll up your sleeves, ask for help and be open to learning.   There is 100% a way to get back on track- but you’ve got to be open to it.