You’d think I’d be good at them since we moved 9 times before I graduated high school. But, like all kids with abandonment issues, being forced to say goodbye over and over actually made it worse.
So it’s no surprise that I’ve recreated this pattern in my adult life. I mean my job is full of goodbyes. Mostly “good” goodbyes. When people reach their goals. But goodbyes just the same.
And lately it’s hit me how following your purpose is full of goodbyes, too.
See, following your purpose requires movement. Moving towards better and better fitting things. Which mean saying goodbye to all the fit-well-once-but-not-so-much-anymore things.
When we aren’t comfortable + willing to say goodbye then we never feel fully comfortable or able to truly commit. To take a risk. To embrace our purpose.
‘Cause we’re terrified of feeling stuck. Choosing wrong. Loosing interest.
We’re so worried about the future that we’re frozen right now.
So, I’ve made it my mission to become good at goodbyes. For my personal life, marriage, job + purpose. So I can confidently embrace what comes my way.
Here’s my 4-step process for rocking goodbyes:
- Acknowledge the pain.
Have you ever heard the saying that anger is a secondary emotion? See, something happens first (usually a vulnerable emotion) that triggers anger.
There’s always a reason why we’re angry.
When it comes to goodbyes the initial emotion is often some form of sadness, loss and/or grief. If we let these vulnerable babies go unchecked, unnoticed, unacknowledged then the anger totally takes over. And we never get the chance to actually heal.
- Thank whatever is leaving.
Taking time to acknowledge all the ways this particular “thing” has helped you. What it’s taught you. What it’s allowed you to do.
Especially if it’s habits that didn’t serve you and kept you small.
In it’s own way, whatever it is that’s leaving you, was trying to keep you safe. And you let. You totally let it.
Send it gratitude for its service. Then let it go.
- Unplug from it.
Imagine that you and the thing you’re saying goodbye to are plugged into each other.
Like a lamp into the wall. That there’s a cord coming from it, plugged right into you.
Now, imagine unplugging that cord. Like you’re literally pulling it out of an outlet.
This energetic step is how you stop running its energy. Stop feeling it. Stop connecting to it. And now have an empty outlet to plug in whatever you want.
- Fill in the space the goodbye created with something you want.
Like crossing the monkey bars, reach for what you want next.
Put words to it.
Imagine how it feels.
Let this new, better-fitting thing, be your new energy source.
Your turn. How are you at goodbyes? Any fit-well-once-but-not-anymore-things holding you back?
**If you’re feeling ready saying goodbye to something in your life, I’d love to help.