I’m a bit of a weeper. Always have been.
Whenever I’m around real emotion- good, bad, love, anger, you name it– my eyes fill up with tears. It’s part of what makes me…me.
This part of me has been tricky over the years. And has totally influenced my appreciation and acceptance of myself.
For some people tears are a sign of weakness. Translation: they’re triggered just by being around them.
For them, tears, no matter whose they are, light up young versions of themselves that were shamed, blamed and abandoned in their time of need. When they showed emotion.
So now, when faced with anyone’s tears, they respond the only way they know how- they shame, blame and leave whoever is crying.
My tears have triggered many people this way over the years- including my family.
Growing up so much anger, frustration, shame and pain came my way when my tears showed up that eventually I started hating my tears.
Trying (desperately) to hold them in. To resist them. To resist me.
But a few weeks ago something shifted and I haven’t wanted to resist them anymore.
It all started when McDreamy died. (Seriously.)
Watching that episode I couldn’t help but reflect on all I’ve been through in the last 10 years. How far I’ve come. How much I’ve healed, grown and learned. And, how- without even realizing it– McDreamy had been there through it all.
I was hit with overwhelming gratitude. And the tears showed up big time.
In that moment a made a decision not to resist them, and just let them flow…
It felt so incredibly freeing to just let those tears run down my face. And allowed me to focus on what I was actually feeling.
Intense gratitude + love for the character, the actor, the show, my husband, my 4-legged babies, my clients, my education, my office… ALL the ways the Universe totally supports me and I don’t even realize.
I was fully in the moment.
Able to experience love, gratitude, support and appreciation with a new brand new intensity.
It was exhilarating. Totally amazing. And is changing everything.
Since then I’ve stopped resisting my tears and started paying attention to them instead.
Turns out, I really dig ‘em!
- They allow me to share amazing moments with my clients. For my clients to feel loved, understood and that what they’re feeling is totally OK.
- They mean I’m totally connected to, experiencing and feeling emotion. I now have amazing moments of connection with people throughout my day, every day.
- They’re the opposite of shame, blame and pain. They’re all about love and compassion.
- They strengthen my faith. They allow me to feel God’s love + grace.
- They totally increase my ability to heal and forgive.
- They let me know when I’m open to receiving. And when I’m not.
- They mean the absolute absence of resistance.
When I’m crying…I’m appreciating me.
We all have these “things” that come totally naturally to us and that make us…us. That we resist out of fear and/or shame. That we’ve been told are our weakness.
But here’s the thing my friends, especially when you’re a tender soul, these things that you’ve resisted– maybe your whole life-– are actually your greatest gifts.
And, learning to appreciate them– to appreciate you— well, that’s how you create a life full of happiness, love + purpose.