Love is not a game you play to win.

Do you agree with this?

It’s amazing how many people out there would disagree with this, and always play or argue to “win” in their relationships. If you are one of these people, don’t feel bad, that’s what you’ve been taught…. till now. I’d like to offer a different way of viewing winning and losing in relationships.

There are win-win situations and lose-lose situations, period.

What may seem like a win-lose scenario is actually a lose-lose situation. Honestly, it is- and here’s why….. either you have been able to communicate your needs, interests, thoughts, feelings in a way that your partner is able to understand and appreciate and therefore can relate to and feel OK with (win-win) OR you’ve been such a bulldozer fighting for your way or the highway that your partner may have given in but now feels hurt, betrayed, and unimportant.  This is ultimately a lose-lose because now you’ve created a rift in your relationship; you may have won the argument but at what cost?

Like in any partnership, there is no way for just one person in the relationship to succeed or fail without seriously damaging the relationship. For example in a business partnership, you’d have to actively put your needs above your partners in order for your success to be their failure. The same is true in romantic relationships. If you are so focused on your own needs that you neglect your partners needs how long do you think they’ll be able to go without getting their needs met? How often do you think they’ll want to meet your needs? How long do you think any relationship can last when no one is getting their needs met?

Consider this, when you are out to win no matter the cost you may win the argument, you may even win multiple arguments, but eventually you’ll lose your relationship.

2010-03-08T10:11:05+00:00

One Comment

  1. Saying No | Caley Philipps March 31, 2010 at 10:10 am

    […] Try reminding yourself that no one wants to be 2nd, 3rd or 7th on a list of importance. By you gracefully, tactfully, and nicely declining, a space is created for someone who would have this event/group/task on the top of their importance list. So really, it’s a Win-Win! […]

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