Savvy Self-Esteem Lessons via Me



Did you ever have one of those years?  You know, the kind that test you, push you to your limits, make ya question everything and just leave ya feelin’ like you’ve been hit by a bus?  Well, that was my 2012.  As it’s {finally} coming to a close, and I am doing my usual reflect back on the year routine, I have to say- turns out, I am grateful for every single bit of it.

Every. Single. Bit.


As hard as every obstacle has been.  As painful, and scary, and overwhelming that parts of this year have been, when I look back at these times now, I see…. growth.

What I found most interesting, and inspired this post, was rereading something I wrote back in March (back when I thought messing up on my taxes, having our car explode/quit running, and our pug needing emergency surgery was as bad as the year could get- Oh SO naive I was).  I was contacted by one of my favorite bloggers, Jennifer Boykin, and asked to submit my response to the question:

With respect to your Big Dream, how have you learned to move past your fear and just “go for it?”

Here’s what I wrote:

I’ve learned to look forward to the fear.  Sounds a little backwards, I know, but stick with me here.  Fear is actually our body’s way of loving us.  Our body uses fear to alert us of potential danger in an effort to keep us safe, both physically and emotionally.  It’s sort of like having our very own watch guard saying, “Hey, did ya see that iceberg?!” Whether we’re trying to do something new, or we fancy something special (like our Big Dream), fear, or our personal watch guard, will inevitably show up to point out any “icebergs” we may encounter.   Fear does not show up because what we are seeking is dangerous, but because the act of moving out of our comfort zone, into something new, puts our watch guards on high alert.

When we approach fear from this viewpoint, fear looses all power over us, as fear then becomes our mile marker, or a way of detecting if we’ve pushed ourselves to new places.  No fear means, no movement, no risk of loss, and no new terrain.  So, as I go after my “Big Dream” I celebrate the moments I feel fear, I listen what they are saying to me, and I look to them as a compass that I’m on the right track. 

What I realized tonight is that I actually had a year of fear!  2012 pushed me out of my comfort zone, into new terrain, every single chance it got.  It all happened so intensely, so close together, in so many areas of my life that I never had the chance to stop and realize it was fear- I was too busy hanging on for dear life!  So, I never surrendered to it; I couldn’t see it as a compass, or something new, or as growth, and instead I fought it every step of the way.

I share all of this with you in hopes of encouraging you to redefine Self-Esteem, struggle and fear, for yourself. 

Self-Esteem is not some unattainable, illusive, all good and never bad thing that we need to judge ourselves by.  It’s the exact opposite.  Self-Esteem is loving, caring, paying attention to, becoming aware of ourselves, what makes us tick, and what we are experiencing.

I do this for a living.  Literally, I help people navigate the waters of their own fears and build a strong, authentic, congruent core-self daily, and yet this year I was the student.  I needed support, compassion, help, guidance, and new perspectives to get me through this period of time, and change in my life.  Giving myself this– showing myself compassion and listening to what I needed– is the only reason I am here writing this post.  Seeing my growth.  Celebrating the struggles I’ve been through.  Feeling stronger than ever before.

And struggle/fear?  Well, they are just growth disguised.  They are how we know we are growing, changing, moving past our comfort zone.  If we get caught up in judging ourselves for what is happening, or defining these event as our Self-Worth, we miss the lesson, we miss the growth, we fumble the opportunity.

It’s not about what is happening to us- it’s what we choose to call it that determines how it will effect us.

Better things are coming!!!!!