Like, all. the. time.
I’ve always been intuitive, empathetic, compassionate, sensitive. What my family calls “tender-hearted.” And I call a tender soul.
I was born this way.
And it made me different from my family.
The more they tried to “toughen me up” and teach me to be strong the only way they knew how– their way— the more isolated I felt. The more I tried to be like them– to make their normal mine— the weaker I felt.
And the more I acted like a victim.
I was hyper focused on my hurt feelings + how mean they were to me. And, I clung to these
reasons excuses to explain why I couldn’t do things. I mean, I couldn’t do things like they did, so why bother trying? It was way less triggering to just blame them instead.
I even had some really good points.
Sometimes they were incredibly hurtful for sport ’cause that’s how they know how deal with shame. So my feelings were often hurt. And there was no way for me to be strong like them. (Just like they couldn’t be tender like me.)
Truthfully, it felt like this victim mentality served me for a while. It felt like compassion, understanding, and the unconditional love I’d always craved.
The problem with this mentality was that it kept me stuck.
Living as a victim. Feeling like a victim. Feeling all alone….
As long as I viewed the world through my victim lens I was unable to trust or develop loving relationships. To speak up for myself in a way that felt natural to me. To find commonalities with people and create meaningful connections. To change the way my life felt.
I’d do all the “right” things. I’d even seek help. And, say I wanted to be confident, happy, to feel loved but when it came to doing my part to create this kind of life I’d play the victim card instead.
I learned over time this was my go-to self-sabotage pattern.
It’s how I rejected anyone that got too close to me. How I looked like I was working hard even though I was making zero progress in all parts of my life. How I (at the time, unknowingly) undermined people trying to help me. How I justified NOT taking accountability.
And, it’s why it took me way longer than necessary to get my shit together.
Here’s the thing my friends:
The more stuck + hopeless you feel the more you can be sure your self-sabotage patterns are running the show!
I work with tons of clients who’ve been in therapy before– sometimes for years— and feel like they’ve never made progress before working with me.
They think it’s me. Which is flattering. 🙂
And not quite the truth.
The truth is they make progress working with me because my own journey helped me understand the significance of self-sabotage patterns.
So when I work with clients we always start here.
Helping you uncover + identify your go-to self-sabotage patterns.
The ways you keep people from getting too close. Undermine those trying to help you- including yourself! And, avoid accountability which means avoiding progress.
Understanding my self-sabotage patterns was the turning point in my life. And is always the turning point in the lives of my clients.
So, when you’re ready to change your life… make sure you start here.